Calling

Alright, so it's been quite a while since I posted (or at least it feels that way).  I have been feeling "off" lately and haven't been able to figure it out.  At first I thought the answer was Vitamin D - you know the many, many days of cloud cover here in the Seattle area can lead to wear and tear on those vitamin receptors.  Then I thought maybe I'm depressed...once again, many days of gray skies can do that to a person.  Maybe I just need a vacation.  I do dream of something tropical, warm and sandy.

So in this last week I got some lab results back about my thyroid (which is off) AND I went to go see an accupuncturist.  I cannot believe that I'm going to pay someone to stick me with needles!!!  I am really hoping that this week some doctors can help me get to the physical root of the problem.  I could use a few extra units of energy!!

However, I also think that there is movement on God's part calling to deep places in my heart.  I find Him churning in me the questions of who and what I trust in (other than Him).  I find Him challenging my habits of busyness in good "Christian" ways as avoidance of coming to Him in conversation.  I think He is weaning me from a "pleasurable" spirituality to something...well, I don't know what yet.  He seems to be questioning every "road map" my logic has contrived and is asking me to follow His Spirit into uncharted (for me) lands.  It is hard and I'm exhausted and yet perhaps that is exactly where He wants me - unable to do anything on my own and having to wait upon Him and His transforming power.

So I answer that calling with waiting.  Waiting for the Spirit to provide the transformation/energy/insight/guidance/mercy needed.