A Prayer for 2009

A Franciscan Benediction:

May God bless you with discomfort,
at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger,
at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

My God bless you with tears,
to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war,
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their
pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness,
to believe that you can make a difference in this world,
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Amen.

About and With

I woke up this morning to a quiet house, which is a true sign that our children really are growing up!! We have gone from the "younger" years of them waking us up far too early on Christmas morning to now when we all wake up at relatively the same time. I am sure there will be a day when David and I will have to actually go into their rooms to wake them up and drag them out of bed!!

So, as I lay in bed, I was thinking about the past season of Advent and this new season of Christmas. I pondered how we are now shifting our focus from a time of listening and waiting into a time of jubilant celebration. I prayed that God would help me to celebrate all 12 days of this Christmas season with full joy and delight, and not move on too quickly into a working season.

As I lay there the Spirit brought to mind 2 words: ABOUT and WITH. He reminded me that during Advent I listened to a lot of stories "about" God and His interaction with the Israelites. I thought a lot "about" Him and wrote poems or created slideshows "about" Him. But in this season of celebration, He wants something different from me. He wants me to celebrate "with" Him. He wants me to practice His presence in each present moment - not looking back to the past nor moving into the future. He wants a "with-ness" with me.

So for the next 12 days, by the power (and reminder) of the Spirit, I want to practice that "with" in everything I do. After all, it is the very celebration of God-with-Us that we enter into.

Jesus, thank you for entering our world by the name "God-with-Us". Would You teach me what it is to celebrate that? Would you enter into all my daily activities - my time with my kids, friends, husband, and all I have to do - and remind me of Your immediate Presence there. And when I remember Your "with-ness", may it cause me to celebrate all the more!!

Advent Slideshow

Intentional Heart-work

I am feeling the Spirit's nudging. He is saying much about my heart and the work He wants to do in it. He is asking me to open my heart to Him in new ways and look at it with Him. He wants me to allow Him to transform those places - not me, in my own effort, trying to fix them.

So each day...really each time He nudges during the day...my prayer is

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any way of pain in me,
and lead me in the everlasting way .

Then I wait and listen.

My Heart

I have been meaning to sit down and write for quite a few days now, but something always seems to prevent me from having a few quite moments to get my thoughts out in words. So now, this morning, with tons of things on my desk and a task list full of details to take care of, I am choosing to ignore those things that would want to grab for my attention and instead deliberately give my attention to the thoughts floating around in my head. (This grabbing vs. giving is actually another string of thoughts I hope to blog about in the future...)

A few days ago I had a conversation with my son that went something like this: (I wanted him to do something he did not want to do at the moment.)

Me: Luc, I want you to turn off the TV and _____________________ (I can't even remember what it was)
Luc: Mom, I'll give you a dollar if I don't have to do it.
Me: Luc, I want you to turn off the TV and ____________________.
Luc: I'll give you all my money if I don't have to do it.
Me: Luc....
Luc: OK, I'll give you a million dollars if I don't have to do it!
Me: Luc, I don't want your money, I want your obedience.

That statement seemed to work fine for the moment, but then something (or Someone) started to make me feel uncomfortable about that statement. While I fully understand that as parents we need to teach children to obey, I also began to think that is not what I really want. What I really want is not rote obedience, but rather for his heart to trust me - to open his heart to someone outside of himself (me) and from that vantage point, out of trust and love, he would obey.

While I am FAR from this with my children and I know that it is easier written than done, God began to speak gently to me from this interaction. He, too, said to me, "Tara, I don't want your obedience...I want your heart. I want you to trust Me with your heart. I want you to trust My love and from there I want you to obey if I tell you something to do." He is also making it clear that He wants to go on a journey with me into my heart - to look at the hidden places, the sinful places - but equally has made it clear that this is a journey of love not condemnation. He is giving me an invitation not just to "obey" and do the "right" thing or to make myself better or try harder or be a "good little girl" (which I can't do anyway!), but to join Him on a journey and allow His Spirit to transform me by His power.

Lord, here is my heart. I will not try to slap on external obedience, but rather my obedience will be in continually opening my heart to Your Spirit, in trusting You to take me on a journey. Like when I first came to You, I declare once more that I cannot do it on my own - that me being good in my own power is not what You desire. You desire for it to be Your work and the transformative power of Your Spirit. I yield myself to that transforming Power...