waiting

God of bottomless emptiness -
enter this place, this non-place

Hover over this watery abyss and speak into it.

Call forth what You see in Your mind's eye
and make it so.

Here I am - this chaotic universe
waiting for Your invasion

Form me, give me substance
for without You I exist only as dust

And I will wait - for creating worlds
does not seem to set You in a rush

Winter Storms

"You lead me beside still waters.  You restore my soul."

These words I write sitting on a log at the beach.  The hightide waves are very gently, very quietly kissing the shore.  Not a soul is here...not even the birds.  I think about how different this is from a few days ago when the waves were so turbulent, the fog so low and the wind bitter cold.

The beach shows evidence of stom and chaos.  Driftwood in the form of huge logs and branches clutters the surface of the sand.  Debris and garbage are caught in the gnarled pockets of roots and wood.  Out in the water a large system of upside down tree root gives evidence of a tumultuous landslide that stripped this massive entity from the earth and sent it tumbling to its death in the sea.

 

The tide is high so there is little room to walk, nor are there signs of life.  The usual sand dollars and shells covered by the rippling water.  Only sand and debris...

 

 

Yet the waters are quiet.  A morning haze is dissipating to reveal a rare blue sky.  And the junk on the beach gives me a reminder of the cleansing effects of winter storms.  There is a kindness in its severity - to remove the unhealthy, breaking apart, to make room for new growth.  The storms reshape the land and the beach and get it ready for spring.

  

I am this beach - being reformed by the severity of Love.  God cuts away the junk and pounds His waves at the shores of my heart.  He brings bitterness and fog.  And yet, today He grants a reprieve.  He leads me to still waters and exposes the debris.  Debris which should be a badge of shame but to which He says, "This is My doing.  It is good." 

So I will give in to the process of the wind and waves and brace myself for more storms ahead.  After all, winter is still upon me.  I know there will be much garbage to look at and haul away.  But I take heart, for the purging and cutting process is part of the Love of winter.  

(However...I really look forward to spring!)

Calling

Alright, so it's been quite a while since I posted (or at least it feels that way).  I have been feeling "off" lately and haven't been able to figure it out.  At first I thought the answer was Vitamin D - you know the many, many days of cloud cover here in the Seattle area can lead to wear and tear on those vitamin receptors.  Then I thought maybe I'm depressed...once again, many days of gray skies can do that to a person.  Maybe I just need a vacation.  I do dream of something tropical, warm and sandy.

So in this last week I got some lab results back about my thyroid (which is off) AND I went to go see an accupuncturist.  I cannot believe that I'm going to pay someone to stick me with needles!!!  I am really hoping that this week some doctors can help me get to the physical root of the problem.  I could use a few extra units of energy!!

However, I also think that there is movement on God's part calling to deep places in my heart.  I find Him churning in me the questions of who and what I trust in (other than Him).  I find Him challenging my habits of busyness in good "Christian" ways as avoidance of coming to Him in conversation.  I think He is weaning me from a "pleasurable" spirituality to something...well, I don't know what yet.  He seems to be questioning every "road map" my logic has contrived and is asking me to follow His Spirit into uncharted (for me) lands.  It is hard and I'm exhausted and yet perhaps that is exactly where He wants me - unable to do anything on my own and having to wait upon Him and His transforming power.

So I answer that calling with waiting.  Waiting for the Spirit to provide the transformation/energy/insight/guidance/mercy needed.