Prone to Wander

Why I Love Home Depot...

2009-04-17T21:38:00.000-07:00

Alright, my extended vacation on another blog is over and I'm ready to come back to blogger. (I will still continue to post about living in the rhythms of the Christian seasons and faith formation on the StoryFormed blog though. Stop by every once and a while...)

So I entitled this entry "Why I Love Home Depot" and the responses to this could be unending. I love the exhilaration of walking through the door and thinking about all the things I could do to my house! I love the paint section - especially all the color sample cards. My children love this section too and I have tons of the color cards in my purse to prove it!

I love the garden center - especially when they build a fountain or two and have a cool bench to sit on. I think I could bring a good book and my lunch there someday and be sooooo happy. I also love looking at all the kitchen cabinets and sinks that I could buy when I win the lottery. But today, I have to say "I Love Home Depot" because they taught my husband his flooring techniques.(example above of those great flooring skills!!!)

You may know that David once worked at Home Depot...in the flooring department, by the way. And you may also know that we are in the middle of remodeling our master bathroom. It was kind of my idea, but I love that my husband likes to take my ideas and "make it so" (for you Star Trek fans!)

(above, you can see the original wall paper. why was wallpaper ever popular??)

So he is upstairs right now laying down the flooring in our bathroom and it looks amazing!! Had I been put in charge of it, well....let's just say there would have been a lot of tears and some tiles flung into the wall. We would be walking on the underlying particle board for the rest of our lives!

However, thanks to Home Depot (and A LOT of puzzle games while he was growing up), David is quite the proficient floor guy! And are we glad or what?? We are living proof of the Home Depot slogan (as Luc says it), "you can do...we can do it"!!!

(David laughing at me for even photographing this. It may be because it is late or perhaps because I painted in a very small enclosed room for a good portion of the afternoon...)

A Little Detour

2009-02-27T16:35:00.000-08:00

For anyone who follows this blog, most of my writing for the next 40 something days (during the season of Lent) will be found HERE

Join me, if you like. There should also be a link to the right called StoryFormed.

-Tara

Hope

2009-02-19T09:52:00.000-08:00

I believe it is called dramatic irony. You know, in literature when the weather seems to mimic the moods or intentions of the characters and/or plot line. I have felt this often this winter season - the environment around me seems to be screaming lessons into my heart and life.

I am beginning to feel better; recovering from my "off-ness" with a lovely upped dosage of thyroid medication. It is amazing that this little tiny gland in our bodies can affect so much. Reminds me of Paul's writing about the "lesser parts" of the body. Ahhh...but that is for a different day!

Today, I am feeling hopeful! As I walk and drive around our area right now, it looks like we are in the dead of winter. From a distance, branches on the trees are bare. Their scrawny arms outstretched, pleading for sunshine and warm weather.

However, on closer examination, there are small bumps forming along the twigs and at their tips. Small formations that are a slightly different color from the branch are beginning to appear. Buds are forming and new life is conquering this winter deadness.

This brings me hope. I look forward to the bursts of color that these buds hold now only in promise. I look forward to the new movements of God churning in me and how they will burst forth. Yes...I love new growth....I love buds....because they make me hopeful!

waiting

2009-02-11T10:55:00.000-08:00

God of bottomless emptiness -
enter this place, this non-place

Hover over this watery abyss and speak into it.

Call forth what You see in Your mind's eye
and make it so.

Here I am - this chaotic universe
waiting for Your invasion

Form me, give me substance
for without You I exist only as dust

And I will wait - for creating worlds
does not seem to set You in a rush

Winter Storms

2009-02-05T13:09:00.000-08:00

"You lead me beside still waters. You restore my soul."

These words I write sitting on a log at the beach. The hightide waves are very gently, very quietly kissing the shore. Not a soul is here...not even the birds. I think about how different this is from a few days ago when the waves were so turbulent, the fog so low and the wind bitter cold.

The beach shows evidence of stom and chaos. Driftwood in the form of huge logs and branches clutters the surface of the sand. Debris and garbage are caught in the gnarled pockets of roots and wood. Out in the water a large system of upside down tree root gives evidence of a tumultuous landslide that stripped this massive entity from the earth and sent it tumbling to its death in the sea.

The tide is high so there is little room to walk, nor are there signs of life. The usual sand dollars and shells covered by the rippling water. Only sand and debris...

Yet the waters are quiet. A morning haze is dissipating to reveal a rare blue sky. And the junk on the beach gives me a reminder of the cleansing effects of winter storms. There is a kindness in its severity - to remove the unhealthy, breaking apart, to make room for new growth. The storms reshape the land and the beach and get it ready for spring.

I am this beach - being reformed by the severity of Love. God cuts away the junk and pounds His waves at the shores of my heart. He brings bitterness and fog. And yet, today He grants a reprieve. He leads me to still waters and exposes the debris. Debris which should be a badge of shame but to which He says, "This is My doing. It is good."

So I will give in to the process of the wind and waves and brace myself for more storms ahead. After all, winter is still upon me. I know there will be much garbage to look at and haul away. But I take heart, for the purging and cutting process is part of the Love of winter.

(However...I really look forward to spring!)

Calling

2009-01-25T16:22:00.000-08:00

Alright, so it's been quite a while since I posted (or at least it feels that way). I have been feeling "off" lately and haven't been able to figure it out. At first I thought the answer was Vitamin D - you know the many, many days of cloud cover here in the Seattle area can lead to wear and tear on those vitamin receptors. Then I thought maybe I'm depressed...once again, many days of gray skies can do that to a person. Maybe I just need a vacation. I do dream of something tropical, warm and sandy.

So in this last week I got some lab results back about my thyroid (which is off) AND I went to go see an accupuncturist. I cannot believe that I'm going to pay someone to stick me with needles!!! I am really hoping that this week some doctors can help me get to the physical root of the problem. I could use a few extra units of energy!!

However, I also think that there is movement on God's part calling to deep places in my heart. I find Him churning in me the questions of who and what I trust in (other than Him). I find Him challenging my habits of busyness in good "Christian" ways as avoidance of coming to Him in conversation. I think He is weaning me from a "pleasurable" spirituality to something...well, I don't know what yet. He seems to be questioning every "road map" my logic has contrived and is asking me to follow His Spirit into uncharted (for me) lands. It is hard and I'm exhausted and yet perhaps that is exactly where He wants me - unable to do anything on my own and having to wait upon Him and His transforming power.

So I answer that calling with waiting. Waiting for the Spirit to provide the transformation/energy/insight/guidance/mercy needed.

The Sixteen Days of Christmas??

2009-01-06T10:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, it has been a long time since I've written anything. We were traveling for 16 days and returned home on the 2nd quite exhausted and anticipating sleeping in our own beds. So here is my attempt at our family's personal "holiday song" - with some thank you's and explanations....

During the 16 days of Christmas, my calendar said to me,

Get on 1 super delayed flight (before the airport shuts down)

2 trips to the airport (once to arrive, another time to pick up our luggage!)

3 birthday celebrations (Jesus, Tami and Uncle Rick)

4 photo shoots (Lentzs, Jacobs, Andersons, Renee)

5 cousin sleepovers (thank you Abi, Sam, Destinee, Katie and Corbin)

6 lovely lunches (you know who you are!)

7 morning coffees (gotta love Starbucks gift cards!)

8 dinners full of conversation (food for thought)

9 pounds heavier!!

10 trips to the mall (UGGGG!!)

11 perogy lovers fighting for their share (thanks to mom for great eats on Christmas Eve)

12 stations at the prayer garden (thank You, God, for a few moments of quiet!)

13 minutes in the pool (Mikaela was brave enough to get in to her waist)

14 people to bring in the New Year (including very noisy children)

15 family members for a last yummy dinner (all Malouf's minus one)

16 snow free days!!

All in all, we had a great time. There were still more people we would have like to have seen and the kids had a difficult time understanding why we had to go back to Washington. We arrived home with more luggage than we left with, having to put on a few extra layers, and a huge sigh of relief to have made it all in one piece (or actually many pieces, but everything and everyone was TOGETHER!!)

A Prayer for 2009

2008-12-26T21:31:00.000-08:00

A Franciscan Benediction:

May God bless you with discomfort,
at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger,
at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,
so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

My God bless you with tears,
to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war,
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their
pain to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness,
to believe that you can make a difference in this world,
so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Amen.

About and With

2008-12-25T14:13:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning to a quiet house, which is a true sign that our children really are growing up!! We have gone from the "younger" years of them waking us up far too early on Christmas morning to now when we all wake up at relatively the same time. I am sure there will be a day when David and I will have to actually go into their rooms to wake them up and drag them out of bed!!

So, as I lay in bed, I was thinking about the past season of Advent and this new season of Christmas. I pondered how we are now shifting our focus from a time of listening and waiting into a time of jubilant celebration. I prayed that God would help me to celebrate all 12 days of this Christmas season with full joy and delight, and not move on too quickly into a working season.

As I lay there the Spirit brought to mind 2 words: ABOUT and WITH. He reminded me that during Advent I listened to a lot of stories "about" God and His interaction with the Israelites. I thought a lot "about" Him and wrote poems or created slideshows "about" Him. But in this season of celebration, He wants something different from me. He wants me to celebrate "with" Him. He wants me to practice His presence in each present moment - not looking back to the past nor moving into the future. He wants a "with-ness" with me.

So for the next 12 days, by the power (and reminder) of the Spirit, I want to practice that "with" in everything I do. After all, it is the very celebration of God-with-Us that we enter into.

Jesus, thank you for entering our world by the name "God-with-Us". Would You teach me what it is to celebrate that? Would you enter into all my daily activities - my time with my kids, friends, husband, and all I have to do - and remind me of Your immediate Presence there. And when I remember Your "with-ness", may it cause me to celebrate all the more!!

Advent Slideshow

2008-12-11T15:26:00.000-08:00

Intentional Heart-work

2008-12-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

I am feeling the Spirit's nudging. He is saying much about my heart and the work He wants to do in it. He is asking me to open my heart to Him in new ways and look at it with Him. He wants me to allow Him to transform those places - not me, in my own effort, trying to fix them.

So each day...really each time He nudges during the day...my prayer is

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any way of pain in me,
and lead me in the everlasting way .

Then I wait and listen.

My Heart

2008-12-05T11:08:00.000-08:00

I have been meaning to sit down and write for quite a few days now, but something always seems to prevent me from having a few quite moments to get my thoughts out in words. So now, this morning, with tons of things on my desk and a task list full of details to take care of, I am choosing to ignore those things that would want to grab for my attention and instead deliberately give my attention to the thoughts floating around in my head. (This grabbing vs. giving is actually another string of thoughts I hope to blog about in the future...)

A few days ago I had a conversation with my son that went something like this: (I wanted him to do something he did not want to do at the moment.)

Me: Luc, I want you to turn off the TV and _____________________ (I can't even remember what it was)
Luc: Mom, I'll give you a dollar if I don't have to do it.
Me: Luc, I want you to turn off the TV and ____________________.
Luc: I'll give you all my money if I don't have to do it.
Me: Luc....
Luc: OK, I'll give you a million dollars if I don't have to do it!
Me: Luc, I don't want your money, I want your obedience.

That statement seemed to work fine for the moment, but then something (or Someone) started to make me feel uncomfortable about that statement. While I fully understand that as parents we need to teach children to obey, I also began to think that is not what I really want. What I really want is not rote obedience, but rather for his heart to trust me - to open his heart to someone outside of himself (me) and from that vantage point, out of trust and love, he would obey.

While I am FAR from this with my children and I know that it is easier written than done, God began to speak gently to me from this interaction. He, too, said to me, "Tara, I don't want your obedience...I want your heart. I want you to trust Me with your heart. I want you to trust My love and from there I want you to obey if I tell you something to do." He is also making it clear that He wants to go on a journey with me into my heart - to look at the hidden places, the sinful places - but equally has made it clear that this is a journey of love not condemnation. He is giving me an invitation not just to "obey" and do the "right" thing or to make myself better or try harder or be a "good little girl" (which I can't do anyway!), but to join Him on a journey and allow His Spirit to transform me by His power.

Lord, here is my heart. I will not try to slap on external obedience, but rather my obedience will be in continually opening my heart to Your Spirit, in trusting You to take me on a journey. Like when I first came to You, I declare once more that I cannot do it on my own - that me being good in my own power is not what You desire. You desire for it to be Your work and the transformative power of Your Spirit. I yield myself to that transforming Power...

Preparing for Advent and Christmas

2008-11-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

(I have posted this at storyformed.wordpress.com along with a few more Advent and Christmas ideas!)

The calendar I made this year provides a cycle for telling the stories of God. It gives us a framework for listening, celebrating and doing – and provides natural opportunities for all of us (including our children) to grow in wisdom and faith.

So as we come to the end of a calendar year (at least using the Christian Season calendar), I want to be intentional about how we begin this next cycle of seasons – Advent and Christmas. I know if I do not prepare now, I will have many good intentions but few plans that come to fruition.

Here is some of what we plan to do to get ready and to enter the Advent and Christmas seasons:

Placing visual and symbolic elements on our kitchen table

Since our table is the gathering place of the family each evening, it seems the best venue to display our symbolic elements. We will spend time each evening reading, reflecting, and praying so I want there to be visual elements around us too.

I am going to use a long blue table runner (blue is the color of Advent). The Nativity will be placed at the center of the table but will not contain Mary, Joseph and the Baby until the last week. I will have 6 candles on the table as well representing 6 different names and stories we will tell over the 4 weeks of Advent (we will use the “O Antiphon” writings found in the blog).

Evening Prayer

I am writing some biblical study and prayer forms that we will use each evening. It includes different passages from the scriptures that point us toward Advent and the story of the coming of the Christ Child. We will read it together and engage certain stories on specific evenings. (I will give calendar dates for what we will do when.)

For those will little ones, I will put in an alternate form. Perhaps only one of the passages of scripture and then a short activity would suit certain families (and attention spans) better.

New Year’s Eve Party

We are inviting friends over on Saturday, November 29^th for a “New Year’s Eve Party” because for those of us following the calendar, November 30^th begins a new year and marks the beginning of Advent. We plan to use the colors from the each season in decorating the table and we will all share a meal together. We will probably talk a little about each season and its significance and the Story that we tell during that season that shapes us.

We may spend some time in the “Hallel” Psalms (Ps. 113-118) because those songs focus so much on thanking God and we’ve just celebrated Thanksgiving as a nation. We will most likely take from the Rosh Hashanah tradition of eating apples dipped in honey to remind us of God’s faithfulness in the year that has just past and looking forward to tasting His sweetness in the year to come.

(This is a new event for us, so it is a big adventure. We’ll let you know how it went and everything we did after it is over!)

Gathering Books for Christmas

During Advent, I will be pulling out my 12 favorite Christmas books and wrapping them up. Then, during each day of the 12 Days of Christmas, the kids will unwrap a book and we will read it together as a family.

And A Little Child Shall Lead Them....

2008-11-09T09:11:00.000-08:00

I stood in the kitchen this morning, smiling from ear to ear and then almost being brought to tears. My children found a World Vision catalogue full of gifts that can be given to children and people around the world. As they read all the things that could be given to those in need around the world, they exclaimed "Oh let's do that!! No, no, let's do that one because that gives goats AND chickens!" Then when they came across a gift that was a lot of money, they began to come up with a plan to be able to purchase it in the next two years - scheming about how they could make the necessary money. (In fact as I write this I can still hear them flipping pages and coming up with more ideas.)

I love how much they want to give!! I love how much they don't calculate their "money portfolio" when it comes to giving to those in need. I love that it is a World Vision catalogue that has caught their attention and not something enticing them to buy for themselves. I love how much they want to and plan to do good in the world.

On the heels of an historic election, perhaps I have a different vote. Maybe we should let the little children lead us....

In God we Trust

2008-11-04T19:28:00.000-08:00

OK, so I'll add my two cents worth to the multitude of stuff that has been said about the political process. I was home all day today suffering from a sinus infection so I had the privilege of watching politics from every angle and on every show I came across.

First let me say that this is an amazing election to be a part of! No matter which political party wins, history will be made and new doors will be opened in American politics (either to African Americans or to women)! I was astounded by the amount of people getting out to vote, also. In our area there were some polling places where people stood in line for almost 4 hours!! I also heard of a couple in India waiting for their absentee ballots and when they did not come, they flew back to the States to vote today! I love that the public has taken this privilege of voting seriously. American democracy at work may not always get us what we want, but the process is always amazing to watch!

However, as a follower of Jesus, I have been a little uncomfortable about all the excitement over one candidate or another; one party or another. It seems to me that sometimes Christians fall into the trap of thinking a certain political party will bring about some sort of salvation and/or we vote for someone who makes some sort of obscure claim to godliness. And truth be told, as much as I am fascinated by the democratic process, the Reality that I live as a Christian is that I don't get a vote. My Leader is not a president chosen by popular vote, He is a King (who needs no votes to hold and maintain that position).

I like how Derek Webb puts it:

my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it’s to a king & a kingdom

Of course, I voted and I will pray for our leaders but it is in that King and His Kingdom that I put my trust and my hope.

Out of Rhythm Confession

2008-11-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Wow!! The last few weeks have sent me flying out of a rhythm that I know God wants me to live by. I've been too busy, made too many commitments, had too much conflict, have neglected my time with God and in the word, have eaten poorly, haven't worked out and haven't carved out time to stop and play with my family. And now I am fighting a cold! (My body sure knows how to stop me when I'm out of whack!)

All this comes on the heels of creating a calendar that encourages us to live by a different rhythm - a different story. And I've gotten away from that story and allowed time to consume me, rather than using time to live in God's ways. Oh how I need to pay attention to God's rhythms or it all falls apart in a chaotic mess!

I can honestly say with the psalmist, "The nearness of God is my good". So tonight I begin the difficult task of exchanging one way of living for another - choosing to not listen to one rhythm and actively pursuing the other.

That is my confession.

2008-09-20T11:41:00.000-07:00

I just started reading a book called Jesus: Made in America. It is a cultural history from the puritans to The Passion of the Christ. Now, I am not recommending the book...yet...because I just started it. However, the introduction gave me some food for thought. This excerpt especially resonated with me because of my interest in Celtic Christianity and for the Rhythm of the Christian Seasons. (By the way, the calendar is hot off the press for anyone who wants it!! Check it out here!)

Here is the quote: "American evangelicals reflexively harbor suspicions of tradition. In fact, most tend to toward being (rabidly) antitradition. Consequently, the past is overlooked as a significant source of direction. This leaves American evangelicals more vulnerable than most when it comes to cultural pressures and influences. In the absence of tradition, we tend to make up a new one, one not tested by time and more or less constructed by individuals or by a limited community. This anti-tradition animus arises from what has been labeled as historylessness."

That "historylessness" intrigues me. As I am exploring the idea of being Story-Formed, the question arises, what story will we listen to? Will it be a thin story - based on snipets and pieces from culture mixed with biblical principles - or will it me the thicker, much harder to navigate, stories that integrate tradition, history, the whole community of the people of God and the Bible? (I am not even sure we have a good plan for doing the latter.)

Anyway, I find my heart stirring and churning for deeper connections to the Scriptures, the traditions of those gone before me and the stories (histories) of the faith. I want my children to be rooted in a Christianity that is both deep and broad - not just one appendage of it. I want them to hear about who God's people are - the good, bad and the ugly - and how this Great God has interacted with and redeemed this planet's history. I want to be an intentional story-teller.

I came across this poem:

This path
Once another people
walked this way.
Tread softly.
Feel the press of history
against your feet.
Muriel Mork

That is what I want: for me, for my children, for my community of faith - to feel the press of history against our feet and to know we walk a path that is not untrodden.

Invitation to come and ... pause

2008-09-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

Life has been quite full here lately - kids to school, photography, calendar project, writing, subbing sometimes, exercise, being a mom, being a friend, being a wife. Yesterday I was reminded of another busy time in my life when God asked me to begin a counter-intuitive practice.

See, my first reaction in the midst of busyness is to make a list, get efficient, and go into "task mode" - using every moment for doing and completing the tasks at hand. However, at a previous point in my life, the Lord allowed me to be exposed to the daily offices (fixed times during the day when we stop to pray). Phyllis Tickle writes "the offices open to me four times a day and call me to remember Who owns time and why. All that means really is that four times a day the Watchmaker and I have conversation about the clock and my place as a nano-second in it."

So in the midst of my busyness, God was asking me to pause - to stop what I was doing, trust that He could keep the earth spinning without my help, and come have conversation with Him. It is counter-intuitive because it makes me stop when I think I should keep moving, it waits when I think I should be efficient, and it says "no" for a few moments to all those things screaming for my attention.

So yesterday, in the midst of my busyness, God offered the invitation again. I looked up on my bulletin board above my computer and there was the Midday Prayer; an invitation to pause and give my work back over to the Creator. It was not "magical" or emotional but it brought my heart back to be centered around a Person rather than a clock.

If you want to practice the rhythm of pausing, here is the midday prayer (from Northumbria Community in Ireland). It is short, but it is a very much needed pause.

Midday Prayer –My Work

Take a moment to pause

Opening

Let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us.
Establish Thou the work of our hands;
establish Thou the work of our hands.

The Lord's Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done;
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation;
but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. Forever and ever. Amen

Declaration of faith

We believe and trust in God the Father Almighty.
We believe and trust in Jesus Christ His Son.
We believe and trust in the Holy Spirit.
We believe and trust in the Three in One.

Canticle

Teach us, dear Lord, to number our days;
that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
Oh, satisfy us early with Thy mercy,
that we may rejoice and be glad all of our days.
And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us;
and establish Thou the work of our hands.
And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us;
and establish Thou the work of our hands, dear Lord.

Blessing

Let nothing disturb thee,
nothing affright thee;
all things are passing,
God never changeth!
Patient endurance attaineth to all things;
who God possesseth
in nothing is wanting;
alone God sufficeth.

+ In the name of the Father,
the Son,
and the Holy Spirit. Amen

My Children are Full of It!!

2008-09-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

Evidently my kids have some great, funny things coming out of their mouths these days! Here is the latest:

(Mikaela speaking) Mom, I was reading my Bible the other night and I thought they made a mistake!
Me: What do you mean?
Mikaela: I was reading about Judas Iscariot but I always thought that his name was "Judas the scariest"!
Me: (on the floor laughing)!!!!

What can I say? The power of the written word...

Recently Heard or Seen at the Malouf Household...

2008-09-07T22:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just love the things my kids say!! They crack me up...and if you don't think it's funny, well, then I guess you just had to be there!

A good way to put shopping in perspective for competitive boys (by Luc):
"Are Nordstroms, Macy's and Sears all against each other?"

Just in case you thought the food pyramid wasn't having an impact (by Luc):
"Mom...dad forgot to buy the whole wheat eggs!!!" (On the occasion of David buying white eggs instead of brown)

Don't you just love email (recently forwarded by Mikaela):
"Friendship is like peeing your pants...everyone can see it, but only YOU can feel the true warmth."

Ahhh, life with children!

My Great Big Idea

2008-08-30T18:15:00.000-07:00

OK, so I've realized how I am going to make my millions in this life....

I am going to write a book called "The Purpose Driven Cart"!

It will explore the basic principles and etiquette of using a shopping cart in busy shopping areas. It will transform lives and, as we apply the principles, we will make other shoppers so happy!

A sneak peak at a couple of chapters..."Keep movin', movin', movin," (resisting the urge to come to a complete stop in the middle of the isle when other shoppers are behind you), and "Be a Pacesetter" (learning to stay at a pace that is faster than molassas in January).

My favorite place for applying this book would be Costco, but you can pick the store of your choice - Ikea, Safeway, Sam's Club, really, the places are limitless.

Our Second Visitor

2008-08-27T11:42:00.000-07:00

We just said goodbye to our second visitor to come for a rest and renewal time at our house. It was a wonderful time of quiet, friendship, conversation, exercise and fun! I hope our guest went home refreshed...I know we feel fully blessed to have had her here!

In the weeks leading up to her arrival, I feel like God gave me a picture and a rhythm for how the few days would unfold. It came to me on a walk down to our beach that the theme of our visitors time (for this year) would be "Gifts from the Sea". I feel so refreshed with every visit to our beach whatever season. I feel like God has met me there time and time again and taught me 4 things over and over (much like the faithfulness of the tides).

Those 4 topics became the focus of each day that our guest was with us.

Day 1 - Listen
The goal for this day was to rest, be quiet and listen. Our guest got to walk, sleep, write in a journal, read or anything else that involved no noise and was conducive to her ability to listen. We often arrive places so frantic from the chaos of packing and leaving that I though this was a great way to stop and really rest. The picture from the ocean is that of finding a shell, picking it up and putting it to our ear. We have to become quiet and still to listen for the sound of the ocean resonating inside.

Day 2 - Trust and Seek
This was a day of conversation, asking questions, talking about what we heard in our listening, and discerning where God is at work in our life. The picture is that of coming to the beach and finding treasures - shells, rocks, sea glass - there. We do not scramble and dig and greedily grab for these things; we look for them on the surface and pick them up. We are invited to trust that the ocean will deposit what it wishes for us and then we are to come and seek it out. In the same way, we trust that God will lay out His gifts for us but we are also to look for them - not trying to make something happen, but picking up what He chooses.

Day 3 - Delight
This was a day of, well....delight. We used all our senses in ways that brought delight to our bodies. Sometimes I think we get so efficiency minded that we forget to really delight and enjoy and take in life through our sense. We are sometimes, as CS Lewis says, "half-hearted creatures". So this day we moved and stretched our bodies, we savored good food, we walked on the warm sand, we swung on the swings with my kids, we laughed at a funny movie, and we went to be tired but smiling! We took it all in with our whole hearts and bodies.

Day 4 - Forget the Shell
Our guest left this day, so we did not get to fully participate in this day, but it would have been a day to worship. "Forget the Shell" is an Amy Carmichael poem that reminds us that when we go to the beach, the shells and trinkets are nice, but pale in comparison to the ocean. In the same way, all the gifts, conversations and even our own lives pale in comparison to the grandeur and majesty of our Creator.

I wrote some prayers for each day which I will post in the next few days. All in all, it was a wonderful time and I am hoping that God will bring many more pilgrims, guests and/or visitors through our doors.

A Tale of Two Walks

2008-08-25T21:43:00.000-07:00

It was a talkative time, it was a silent time...that is the extent to which I will try to emulate Mr. Charles Dickens. However, like Dickens classic work which contrasts two cities within one city, so I feel compelled to tell the story of the juxtaposition of two walks I took this week.

Both were with friends - beautiful women; smart, strong, determined, spiritually curious, deep, wise, earthy. Both are reading common books which are catalysts for new questions in life and of the Spirit. I love both of them.

Although we walked the exact same path to the same destination, the walks could not have been more different!

In one, my role was that of listener (and counselor). There were many words - stories of life, a hard marriage coming to an end, children, grace, forgiveness, The Creator. I listened to words and gave encouragement with words.

The second walk contained no words except a prayer at the outset. Done in silence, my role was that of leader. Leading someone along a path toward listening to the Spirit; leading them to a physical place conducive to finding and hearing God. I gave no encouragement; just silent prayers that God would take my feeble act of leading and take over my job. I lead to eventually and hopefully be replaced by a much better Guide.

Although I enjoyed both walks, I realized I am more comfortable in the first position. I am trained in my world to have my ears filled with noise and my mouth filled with words. In that position, I am more in control and can manage more.

During the second walk, I had to relinquish all false pretenses of influence. I cannot conjure up an experience with God but can only hope that the Wildest Member of the Trinity shows up. I don't decide on the agenda of topics discussed nor can I keep anyone's mind focused and on subject. I must leave the one I lead completely in the hands of Jesus, who is not always as direct as I think He should be!

On the first walk, I am needed. I am wise; I am held in high esteem. On the second, I could be replaced by a map; I am not important. I am still probably wise though it is a counterintuitive wisdom that makes no claims to greatness. In the first walk I am mingling in the center; in the second I push my friend to the True Center and chose the periphery.

Lord, I know both walks are needed - listening and leading. Help me learn that ebb and flow. But in both, may my feet only move down paths on which You lead because my heart has first listened to You. Amen.

Listen

2008-08-04T08:28:00.000-07:00

Coming home from my brother's wedding, I came across a photograph in a magazine. It was so simple - a spiral shell laying on a background of white. Under the picture, in black, was the word LISTEN. Stuck by its beauty and poignancy, I drew the picture into my journal. It reminded me of how children, when they see a shell, know to stop, hold their breath and listen.

LISTEN. It is not easy to do.

LISTEN. When my world seems overwhelmed by noise and activity.

LISTEN. When my mind seems filled with even more uproar and clamor.

LISTEN. When I feel the need to tell "my side of the story".

LISTEN. Beyond the words that are being spoken.

LISTEN. Choose moments of waiting instead of efficiency.

LISTEN. For His voice.

"Speak, Lord, for Thy servant is listening...."

2008-08-02T17:38:00.000-07:00

And here is this blog's wordle!
Love it!!

2008-08-02T17:25:00.000-07:00


Check out this cool website called Wordle.  I made this
from my blog "Story Formed" (at Wordpress)
Very fun for those of us who like words!!!

A Pilgrim's Song

2008-07-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

Reading through the psalms of ascent, hearing from God, talking with people...I've been struck by the need to grow up, to leave old places (thoughts, attitudes, actions) and journey on with God. The following is my "psalm" - based loosely on the first few psalms of ascent and a lot on the theme of growing up.

Lord, I confess I need to grow up
I dwell in the land of whiners and complainers
Of those who like to gaze at their own reflections
who think so highly of their own estimation of themselves
The landscape around me is filled with gods and idols,
self-help and pop-psych
All whispering tantalizing promises of rescue

But it is You, O Lord, that I will fix my gaze upon
It is on Your words (or silence) I will place my trust
Upon You and only You will my gaze be fixed

So to You, Lord, I will bring worship
Though other voices call out for my allegiance,
I will bow my knees and heart before You and You alone
To worship during the day - in light and joy
To worship in darkness - in fear and despair
To give thanks to Your great name
-that is what it means to be one of Yours

I will trust Your judgments, Lord
For You are setting the world to right
You are establishing Your redemptive work for all creation
Nothing can stop You - even if it happens in ways I do not understand

To You will my eyes look
You are far above me and yet right next to me
You dwell in majesty and glory,
Yet You are the Potter who gets His hands dirty
as You carefully - creatively - shape our lives for Your glory

We will look to You and cry "mercy"
Give us mercy and not what we think we want
Give us mercy and not our petty whining and complaining choruses

We will look to You
trust in You
worship You
listen for You
and work with You in Your action.

Beyond Roman Roads

2008-07-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

I am studying the lives of Celtic saints and Celtic Christianity in general this summer. I find in them a rhythm and resonance that is innate in me and yet opposite of so much of what I've been taught in Christiandom.

I read the other day of how, in most places, in Ireland, Scotland and Wales, the great roads of the Roman Empire never made headway. They paved the landscape throughout the known and civilized world. They allowed for efficient travel of people, merchandise and ideas. They linked countries together in certain commonalities. But there came an end to the roads...

The Celts were beyond the Roman roads. They were "uncivilized" and had no knowledge of the common story shared between cultures. They didn't have the book we call the Bible, but they had another "book" called creation. The efficiency of an empire broke down in these lands. The terrain was rough and harsh and had not been conquered. Those who loved God came here not to conquer but to set up communities, to befriend, to find the story of God in the story of the people, to tell those who loved creation that there is a Creator.

It reminded me of a new group of people I find myself interacting with more and more. They are beyond the roads of Christiandom; they live in lands not paved with our roads of efficiency nor do they know the common stories. They don't want to go to church or have someone lead them through whatever quick and efficient way we have of sharing the gospel. They are rough on the edges - skeptical and cynical. They readily embrace a spirituality but have no idea of the Spirit.

How do we find these people? I think we must be willing to go beyond roman roads and pave new territory into the hills, valleys, forests, urban hubs, cities and all places of habitation. We walk new paths with these new friends - telling them an old Story in a new context. We renounce our inclination toward efficiency and choose relationship instead.

Tuesday Morning Prayer

2008-06-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

Walking today was amazing!! I followed my same route through the trails in the forest to emerge onto the beach. But today, I was struck with the growth and fullness of the vegetation around me. Perhaps because summer was so late in arriving or perhaps because I enjoyed the barrenness of the forest in the winter, today the abundance of foliage just overwhelmed me. And as I walked, I thought of this: (taken from Celtic Benediction by J. Philip Newell)

In the beginning, O God,
when the firm earth emerged from the waters of life
You saw that it was good.
The fertile ground was moist
the seed was strong
and earth's profusion of colour and scent was born.
Awaken my senses this day
to the goodness that still stems from Eden.
Awaken my senses
to the goodness that can still spring forth
in me and in all that has life.

and this one:

The world is alive with Your goodness, O God,
it grows green from the ground
and ripens into the roundness of fruit.
Its taste and its touch
enliven my body and stir my soul.
Generously given
profusely displayed
Your graces of goodness pour forth from the earth.
As I have received
so free me to give.
As I have been granted
so may I give.

Heard Recently at the Malouf House

2008-06-21T13:42:00.000-07:00

Well, we've officially entered a new season in our household. I now have a member of "generation text" living under my roof! Mikaela got her first cell phone...and my life will never be the same again.

She has been playing with it non-stop since she got it on Thursday and has had to recharge it twice! Plus, she and her friends have figured out the text messaging so well that we decided to upgrade her plan to include 250 text messages a month or else she would have been broke within 5 days! (She has to pay for her monthly charges.)

So here is the conversation I recently heard in the backseat of my car:

Mikaela: My phone has megapixels!!

Luc: What are those??

Mikaela: I don't know.

Luc: Well....if it uses the word "mega", it has to be good!!!

Love...

2008-06-19T18:44:00.000-07:00

"Art is love creating the new world
and justice is love rolling up its
sleeves to heal the old one."
-NT Wright @ Emory University 2008

Slideshow of Beijing

2008-06-11T13:42:00.001-07:00

So forgive me for not putting these to music...all the selections were obnoxious after 121 photos! Also, the old film effect was the best one they had! Enjoy some of the photos! For a better look at the pictures, click on "view all images".

On to Guangzhou

2008-06-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

Evidently, Western wedding photography is big here. There is a company that the bride and groom can go into their shop, the bride can pick out any dress she likes (and the groom, his tux), get makeup and hair done, and go out for a photoshoot! It doesn't matter if the dress doesn't fit, they just pin it. AND you can do this any day of the week! We saw pictures like this being taken all through the weedkdays as well as the weekend.
We stayed on Shamain Island. It was the only British outpost on mainland China during the 19th century. It was beautiful, but very British colonial. It didn't feel totally like China.

A boat on the Pearl River.

Tai Chi in the morning.

This is a pagoda and waterfall at the White Swan. By the way, if you are ever in Guangzhou, that is the place to stay. It is beautiful!

Bridges link Shamien Island with the city of Guangzhou. Cross the bridge and you feel like you are back in China.

Now we are back in China...

We used a laundry service while we were in Guangzhou. Then, as we walked down the street, we'd see all the clothes drying like this. I half expected to look up and recognize the pants, shirt, or underwear!!

Mao's Little Red Book

We visited the pearl market on one of our last days...

This is ONE store...these bags are FULL of pearls...there are a dozen or so more stores like this!

MMM...octopus on a stick! Can't beat that snack. It's almost as good as chicken feet!

Near the pearl market

Working hard...always!

What Will Become of This Child??

2008-06-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

$1, 600, 137.23. This is how much Mikaela helped raise for different causes this weekend.

OK, so the 1.6 million was from an event that she went and served at for Medical Teams International...but she got her first taste of being a champion of causes and she loved it!!

I think we've always know that Mikaela was always good with money in a Kingdom sort-of-way. The minute she would get money, it would be given away to the person, event, cause that God had placed on her heart. Many a homeless person has been the beneficiary of her generosity (in money and food), victims of hurricane Katrina have received from her, the church, African and Chinese children, and even her brother have been gifted with "her" money (which she doesn't really see as hers!).

On Friday at a school carnival, Mikaela almost singlehandedly raised $137.23 in an hour and a half for new trees to be planted at the school. I watched her from a distance as she promoted the cause, talked to people, and persuaded them to give. She wasn't a "salesman" nor a manipulator, but it came out of a genuineness in her heart and people responded! It was really amazing to watch! (And of course, she was excited because none of it was for her...it was all for something else!)

At the Medical Teams International fundraiser, she got to see it on a much grander scale and to only be a small part, but it fed her desire to do good around the world and to keep finding ways to give away money. (Of course, it also confirmed to her that she "really wants to travel around the world now and serve others" in the name of Jesus.)

So, all I can say is a repeat of what Elizabeth said about her son, John..."What will become of this child? Clearly, God has His hand in this." (Luke 1)

More Pictures from Chongqing

2008-05-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

A woman practicing a sword "dance"

Gotta love those noodles!! We ate lots of them in China

Dancing on the plaza

Always working...

OK, so Starbucks is not really Chinese...but it was a lovely place for me. The coffee at the hotel in Chongqing was awful and trying to find coffee to "take away" was really difficult. And then came Starbucks. It looked a little like home, it smelled right, and the lady understood what a "tall non-fat latte" was with no other explanation or charades. It was a little bit of "home" in a foreign land!

...and working some more..

A dad with his daughter - checking out the fish

On to Chongqing!!

2008-05-24T22:07:00.000-07:00

So here are some practical details about the next leg of the journey on our trip....
We arrived in Chongqing and were greeted by our wonderful CCAI representative. She was warm, caring, friendly and attentive to all the families.

We stayed on the 26th floor of a hotel in Chongqing. The rooms were lovely and we had a super fun time riding the glass elevator on the outside of the building!!

Of course the reason we were all in Chongqing was the babies. I wish I could show a picture of each one...they are so amazing!! However, if you want to read my thoughts about the night the babies came to us, see here.

We visited the Chongqing zoo...home of some handsome Pandas.

We saw quite a few baby carriers like this around China. It is a basket in which the child can sit on the little ledge or stand in the bottom.

Playing games in the park

The grocery store in Chongqing was crazy!!! It was very much like the rest of Chongqing in that it was ALWAYS busy, full of people, with lots of activity (including a little pushing and shoving in line). While I recognized much of the food, there was some that was quite new. Above are ONE of the types of chicken feet on sale at the store. (Needless to say, I refrained from that shopping experience!)

Up to 2 years of age, the Chinese put their children in these split pants. That way when the child needs to go "potty" he or she just pees (or something else) wherever they are. Interesting concept...but it makes for some cute little buns!!

A bed of spring flowers...

Each morning many people would gather out in the park to do Tai Chi or some sort of group exercise. My favorite was the large plaza that would fill with women each morning in order to spend the first hour or so of the day dancing. You know, there is something right about a country where dancing is the first activity of the day!

Especially Fond of Them

2008-05-23T02:52:00.000-07:00

So it's three o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. Partially because my husband is gone and I have a child (who likes to move) sleeping with me, and partly because I am grieving. Yesterday, as I was celebrating the accomplishment of having "finished" the China pictures, it dawned on me that I hadn't seen a few. As I went through the photos again, I realized there was a huge chunk (almost 300 photos) that were missing! I frantically searched for them...to no avail.

I am sure it is some fault of mine that they are gone, but I have no idea how. They included all my pictures of the Old City of Chongqing...pictures that hang in my minds eye, but the beauty of which are lost to the rest of the world. All the richness, colors, faces, and stories will be mine to treasure, but not to share. I am sad...I was especially fond of these images.

Some may think that out of a total of 3000 photos taken in China, what is 300? Really if you think about it, I still have A LOT of photos. But, as I said before, I was especially fond of these and so numbers and percentages do not rule the day, my affection does.

As I lay in bed thinking about all this, the Spirit began to stir my heart. On the heels of such devastating tradgedies in Myanmar and China, it is easy to "dehumanize" the events and fall into lumping them into the category of "natural disaster" that happened "over there". I can fall into looking at percentages or statistics of populations lost. Sure, this number or that number of people are gone, but in an area with with over 2 billion people....well...there's still a lot of people.

However, each life - each individual life - was a picture, a piece of art, an image-bearer of his or her Creator. Their beauty and story hang in the heart of the God who Sees, but are lost to all the rest of us. How sad. Great works of art that are removed from this earth forever and will be forgotten or never seen by the majority of the planet.

But God does not forget. He remembers...because He was especially fond of them!

(By the way, I'm not equating the value of a human life with a picture. I think the Spirit just helped me understand the fondness that a creator has for each creation. And the deep sadness that brings when those creations are lost. And for any of those who have read The Shack, I think I was allowed understanding to the phrase "especially fond of".)

Squares, Walls and Temples

2008-05-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

When in Beijing, we visited a few famous sites. Above is the entrance to The Forbidden City. Originally, I believe it was the home of the Emperor and now it is used for governmental stuff and a tourist attraction.

Walking toward Tiananmen Square

I was very struck by the love and care that the Chinese have for their children. It is a WHOLE family affair - raising children. You often see grandparents attending to and doting over their grandchildren. I guess in a nation that only allows one child per family, there are a lot of dreams, expectations, and hopes for that one child.

Tiananmen Square

Our guide this day was a lovely, lovely lady who lives in Beijing. She was so gracious - arranging for 2 cars and a driver, taking us to the performing arts center, Tianenmen Square, the olympic facility, and sharing her insights with us. As a special treat, she took us to lunch for Dim Sum. We told her to order for us and just not tell us what we are eating until AFTER we were done. The food was mostly wonderful - except the chicken feet, which are not my favorite. I was once again struck by the generosity and hospitality of the Chinese people!

Scott, Quinlee and I went to the Temple of Heaven one day - and gave the other two beautiful ladies a day to rest. We traveled on the subway which was a fun adventure. The Temple is a huge plot of land in the middle of the city. The grounds are beautiful and the architechture is vibrant with color and full of detail.

Bike riders on the way to the Temple of Heaven

I wrote this after our day at the Temple:

Temple

Impressive, expansive grandeur
Beautiful colors, intricate craftsmanship
Throngs of people
Musical symphonies
Cacophony of voices
Detailed, ornate but...EMPTY

It struck me how all religious institutions try to erect beautiful buildings to inspire awe and wonder. However, as followers of Jesus, we are told that we are now the temple - the dwelling place of the Living God. How many of us treat one another that way? Do I look at my co-followers and stand in awe and wonder at them?

It reminds me of CS Lewis' take on it: "The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbour's glory should be laid on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to...remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship...It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal...Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbour is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat - the glorifier, and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden."

The next day we journeyed to the one place I REALLY wanted to go...The Great Wall. It was a great adventure, but a steep one, as you'll see in the next picture. It was a pretty good workout to climb all the way up to the top!

The most amazing part for me was walking on stones that had been there for generations! Who had put them into place? Who else had touched them or walked on them? What battles had they seen? If they could talk, what stories could they tell us?

A pagoda off to the side of the great wall - wish I could have shot a wedding there!!!

Praying for China...

2008-05-14T23:18:00.000-07:00

The following was written by the friend I traveled to China with. I just chose to copy it and let God move us to do what He wants us to do:

As you all know China is under rubble.

The loss and devastation is enormous. Really unfathomable. And when you account for the towns that are hundreds of years old you can imagine how impossible it was for the homes to stand.

I am so saddened and I am asking why? Why? Especially right on the heals of the terrible cold and freeze that hit in Jan/Feb this year. But, naturally, life goes on and we have already forgotten. Even, I, who was just there had forgotten about the terrible storm. We could hardly imagine cold when we were wishing we had air conditioning.

To give you a sense, we were in Chongqing - about 100miles southeast of Chengdu. The epicenter was not too too far from Chengdu - about 60miles northwest of Chengdu. Gratefully, [our third daughter's] orphanage in Xiushan is about another 400miles southwest of Chongqing.

There is good news, though. According to Half the Sky foundation there were no injuries to orphans, although there is some structural damage to some of the orphanages. Love Without Boundaries reports that [our third daughter's] orphanage is fine. No injuries nor structural damage. Another contact was made by a family whose daughter is also from Xiushan and they have "friends" in Xiushan who report not having been affected at all. It may also be worth mentioning that [our first daughter's] orphanage is quite far from this area and presumably has had no problems.

If you are moved, please pray with us. We have - needless to say - special affections for China. If you are so inclined please consider making a financial gift through:

www.chinesechildren.org
www.halfthesky.org
www.lovewithoutboundaries.com

Season after Pentecost

2008-05-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

This last Sunday marked Pentecost - the celebration of the coming (to stay) of the Holy Spirit. We, as those who are marked by God's story within the Christian calendar, now are entering a long season of growth, discipleship and service. Because the Spirit prompts and guides us, the church has been gifted with all that she needs to proclaim and participate in God's mission to and for the world.

WildFire

He comes
a gentle breeze
making music through the tree branches
loosening the feeble grip of the folliage

He comes
a small flicker
bringing light and warmth within His flame
consuming each wick He finds

He comes
a mighty wind current
raising dust from the dead into a swirling funnel
lifting and dropping the soaring bird

He comes
a wide-hearthed fire
frolicking upon logs and scorching stone
crackling with whispers of untamed flame

He comes
wind and fire
combining into unstoppable Force
crossing the landscape in a dance un-containable

He comes
a rushing wind, a tongue of fire
covering the planet in searing wildfire
gathering a people who play among the Flames

He is here
Spirit
Bold, tender, dangerous, unpredictable
The wildest member of the Trinity

One of My Favorite Days

2008-05-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite days in China was the day we went to visit The Philip Hayden Foundation (www.chinaorphans.org). It is a orphanage for kids with special needs - many of which are quite "treatable" in the US. It was a place of incredible warmth, love, and beautiful children! It is a place I would love to return to - to spend an extended amount of time there, holding babies or helping with whatever other projects they may need. Anybody else want to join me????

-sign from outside the Philip Hayden Foundation/Chinese flag in focus

While in China, we got to walk along the Great Wall, which I will blog about in the next post, but at Shepherd's Village (the name of the orphanage) I got to visit an even greater wall, in my opinion. There in the middle of the compound is a wall of handprints. Families can design a tile to celebrate a child's adoption. I was glad that it was God and I walking along the wall together. I was brought to tears as I thought about the word "home" for the kids represented on the wall. But it was bittersweet as I pondered all the ones who have no home yet. I think the tiles speak for themselves....

The highlight of the day was getting to go into the houses where the kids live, get on the floor and play with them. Their smiles and giggles were infectious! In fact, after this trip, I believe that laughter is the universal language and we all need to follow the lead of our children on this. The kids I was with played, shared, giggled, rolled, and hugged along with all the other children despite the language barrier. Somehow words didn't matter, but playing did!!

When we got back to our hotel in Beijing, I skyped my family to tell them about the experience. The first thing my daughter asked was, "Well, are you going to bring some home??" I chuckled at her question, but on a deeper level it is an unsettling one. What does God want us to do with orphans? If called to do so, will we be courageous enough to open our homes and hearts to these special children?

Initial Reflections on China

2008-05-07T21:13:00.000-07:00

As I begin to post thoughts, reflections and images about China, I want to make two small disclaimers: first, I loved the trip - so anything seemingly negative I seem to write is not really negative, it is simply a darker color. Two, the reason we all traveled - the adoption - is something I cannot show pictures of. I want to respect the privacy of all the families that were with us. However, I am sure that in my more than 2000 pictures, I can find something to show and I'm sure I can find some words to put with them!

We arrived in Beijing first to an enormous and amazing airport! It has been newly built for the Olympic games and it is pretty impressive. We also arrived to a thick blanket of air pollution (which never fully left us our whole time in China) and a definite smell. Yes, China has a smell. Not bad, not great...but a smell.

My next impression was the amount of people! Everywhere we went in China there were people, people, people. I am not sure how many live in Beijing, but in Chongqing (the second city we were in), there are 30 million people! The country I was born in only has about 33 million for the WHOLE country!

The sense I got was that of being in an ant hill. If you've ever been digging in the dirt and you've dug up an ant hill, you'll understand what I'm talking about. The ants start to scurry and spread and seem to multiply on the spot, until you are sitting in a full mound of ants. That was what China was like - a constant anthill of activity, movement, busyness, and tons of people!

Along with the people come the bikes. There are thousands (actually probably millions) of them - except in Chongqing, which evidently is one of the only Chinese cities with no bicycles. They line the street, people load them down with goods, stack boxes on them and ride them everywhere. (Of course , there were a lot of cars too - and if you were lucky enough to have played Frogger (the video game) during your younger years, you had a small chance of avoiding being hit. (Evidently, the person with the biggest vehicle has the right of way in China!)

My last "first impression" of China I'll share with you from a journal entry I wrote (although I wish I had a better picture to share):

I am struck by the constant buzz and busyness here in China. Traffic is always moving, bikes are always peddling, vendors always selling. The consumerism here is appalling!! Everything can be bought in the markets for almost any price. There is stuff...stuff....stuff...

What makes a society run like this? Has communism so annihilated any spirituality that the new "religion" is materialism? Is there such a void that only more stuff - such fine and rare trumpery - can fill it? (Although perhaps we are on our way to the same "religion" in America!)

Running the Race

2008-05-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

I've decided that as I go through the pictures of China, I will post them in increments and share reflections and memories from the trip. That way those who are interested can see and hear first hand about our trip AND after I post, I will have a few days to get the next batch of pictures ready!

However, before I do that, here is a little of how I am seeing God here at home:

On Saturday, Mikaela had her 2nd track meet. I am so proud of her!! At her first meet, she ran the 100m, 400m, the relay, and the 800m. I wasn't there (I was in China), but David said that as she ran the 800m (which, by the way is twice around the track), she was out in front for the whole first lap. Then, going into the second one, she began to get tired, BUT she never walked and she ran the race "beyond the finish line". (Meaning: sometimes when people run track, they slow down just before the finish line, thinking they are finished before they really are.) After the race, she fell into her dad's arms. She was exhausted and probably on the verge of tears, but said to someone later "I think I'll do that again to see if I can beat my time!" What an attitude!!

So, fast forward to last Saturday, as I had the privilege of watching her run and watching her dad be her coach, cheerleader, and celebrator, I struck me that this is the race we are in with God.

"Let us run with endurance the race set before us..." But the great news is, that not only is our Father the creator of the race, He is our coach and trainer too!! Not only that, He is the one yelling the loudest from the sidelines - yells of encouragement and praise. And then, not only that, He is the one who meets us at the finish line, tells us what a great job we did (no matter what place we got), kisses us and celebrates that fact that we finished well!!

The World As I See It

2008-04-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

O, Lord, my God,

When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the worlds Thy hands hath made

I see....

Then sings my soul

My Savior God to Thee

How great Thou art

How great Thou art!!!

I love the wonderful diversity that God has fashioned in the faces of people around the globe! The people of China are beautiful and their faces allude to innumerable stories. Lord, help me, wherever I am to see the beauty You have created in each person, and remind me to stop and ask their story whenever it is possible.

HOME

2008-04-25T18:07:00.000-07:00

SEA... POR... BUR... LAX... SFO... PEK... CKG... CAN... HKG... LAX... BUR... SEA... and the best destination of all...HOME!!

(the three letter codes are all the airports I've been in for the last 3 weeks!)

Hope

2008-04-20T22:34:00.000-07:00

-taken in Old City, Chongqing, China

"Hope, for the Christian, is not wishful thinking or mere blind optimism. It is a mode of knowing, a mode within which new things are possible, options are not shut down, new creation can happen...Hope is what you get when you suddenly realize that a different worldview is possible, a worldview in which the rich, the powerful, and the unscrupulous do not after all have the last word. The same worldview shift that is demanded by the resurrection of Jesus is the shift that will enable us to transform the world." -NT Wright

When Mercy Kisses Justice

2008-04-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

The ancients have said "What does God require of you? To love mercy and do justice..." These two things have often seemed like opposites to me. On a color spectrum mercy would be red and justice, violet - mercy standing on one side and justice on the other. Some of us are more comfortable dancing with mercy and others of us, befriending justice.

But there is a place where mercy and justice kiss. And I stood there last night!

As orphans were brought into the room and placed in the hands of waiting parents, the conference room where we stood was transformed into a place where the sweet tenderness of compassion met the strength of the "world-made-right". It was holy ground...

...a new creation began

...new names were given

...those who did not belong, now had a home

...those who were discarded were now wanted and needed desparately

...babies smiled and parents cried

...women who had longed to hold a child called "mine" now rejoiced with full arms

...yet unknown doors of opportunity were swung WIDE open

Mercy was the mother's arms and Justice the father's - love and protection in perfect rhythm. I am blessed to have been there. I am honored to have seen such a kiss.

Sweet babies, you no longer live alone in this world. You have been given families. You are no longer one of many, you are one in a million - you are important and you matter.

Courageous parents, your arms are no longer empty, they are full along with your hearts. You have the privilege of being called "mama" and "dada". You give new names and everyone gets new life!

God, may You bless these families beyond measure. May You give them many moments where mercy kisses justice and the world is made right. May You give them great joy and delight in this new family that has been made. May You show them Your tenderness, like a mom, and Your protection, like a dad. May they find the fullness of their Home in You!!

-written in Chongqing, China - April 14th

Happy Birthday Mikaela

2008-04-11T00:53:00.000-07:00

A special birthday celebration for Mikaela...with love from China!!!

hugs and kisses
love,
mom, quinlee, and margaux

Crying out for Home!!

2008-04-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we visited an orphanage that focuses on special needs kids. It was an incredible place! They live in homes and have "nannies" that take care of them in a three to one ratio (which is VERY good for here in China). This place is a sign of hope - a sign of those who follow The Risen One - in a country where those with special needs are really invisible, discarded and forgotten. (On a side note: "special needs" may only mean a cleft palate or a limb that needs surgery to work properly.)

However, even though Shepherd's Field (the orphanage) is a sign of hope, seeing all those kids reminds me of the dark world we live in. How did things get this way? What happens in the human condition that makes us discard another? Why are there not REAL homes (and REAL moms and dads) for all these children? For those of us who follow the God who is a "Father to the fatherless", do we reflect that part of His character?

These children are crying out for a home. How are we to be home for them?

(Plus also, I am missing my home. As I write this it is Mikaela's birthday (here) and I miss her and Luc and David. So I send kisses...and hugs...and can't wait to be home!!)

Glimpses of Resurrection

2008-04-03T08:58:00.000-07:00

Found this poem on emergentkiwi's blog. In my desire to celebrate the resurrection during this season, I'm going to try to post poems, symbols, reflections on the resurrection of Jesus!!

resurrection door kicker

Jesus, door kicker, strides out the tomb
hinges swinging
door banging
in Spirit's breeze

Jesus, walks our world,
loving on sandy beach, gathering on grassy knoll,
calling "Followers, to me"

If you walk away, will we follow?

Church,
inside 4 walls,
contains, confines,
holds, hoards
doctrine?

Or

Church,
jogging through city street,
laughing, listening,
stretching through house and home,

Til Kingdom come

Easter Season (March 23 to May 10)

2008-03-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about the resurrection and its implications for me (us) today as a follower of Jesus. I have lived in a faith tradition that normally sees Easter as a one day event, but have come to appreciate an alternate keeping of time coming down through the ages - namely the Christian calendar.

It is in this keeping of time that I am learning that Easter is not a one day event, but a 50 day celebration of the resurrection of Jesus. It is a season of great astonishment and joy which culminates with the day of Pentecost when the gift of the Holy Spirit and the birth of the church is celebrated.

So this year, not only do I wish to participate in Lent (which I've done), but I want to spend the next 49 days pondering, living out, asking questions about, being astonished and humbled at the Resurrection of my Lord!

Some Easter thoughts by a favorite author:
The world has already been turned upside down; that’s what Easter is all about. It isn’t a matter of waiting until God eventually does something at the end of time. God has brought his future, his putting-his-world into rights future, into the presence of Jesus of Nazareth and he wants that future to be implicated more and more in the present. That’s what we pray for every time we say the Lord’s Prayer: “Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth at it is in heaven.”

… if Lent is a time to give things up, then Easter ought to be a time to take things up.

Easter is a time to sow new seeds and to plant out a few cuttings. If Calvary means to put things to death in your life that need killing off if you are to flourish as a Christian and as a truly human being, then Easter should mean planting, watering and training things up in your life (personal and corporate) that ought to be blossoming, filling the garden with color and perfume and in due course bearing fruit.

All right, the Sundays after Easter still lie within the Easter season. We still have Easter readings and hymns during them. But Easter week itself ought not to be the time when all clergy sigh with relief and go on holiday. It ought to be an eight-day festival, with champagne served after morning prayer or even before, with lots of alleluias and extra hymns and spectacular anthems. It is any wonder people find hard to believe in the resurrection of Jesus if we don’t throw our hats in the air? Is it any wonder we find it hard to live the resurrection if we don’t do it exuberantly in our liturgies? It is any wonder the world doesn’t take much notice if Easter is celebrated as simple the one-day happy ending tacked on to forty days of fasting and gloom? It’s long over due that we took a hard look at how we keep Easter in church, at home, in our personal lives, right through the system. And if it means rethinking some cherished habits, well, maybe it’s time to wake up.

+NT Wright

HE IS RISEN!!!

2008-03-23T07:52:00.001-07:00

HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!

Remembering...

2008-03-20T18:07:00.000-07:00

In the Christian calendar, Lent officially ends at sundown today. It ends, in many cases, with readings from John 13 - Jesus washing the disciples feet and the eating of the Passover meal that Jesus ate with His disciples. In many gatherings around the world, those assembled will wash one another's feet to re-enact what Jesus did and then they will partake of the bread and the cup together.

Then, as Phyllis Tickle writes, "in stark silence, those serving at the altar will clear away the vessels that have held the wine and bread. They will take such bits and pieces of consecrated bread and wine as may be left and lock them out of both sight and reach in a niche or sanctuary in the chancel wall.

They will clear away next all the cloths and fair linen that have draped the altar, bringing basins of water to wash the altar down, as people watch, many of them crying. No part of the sacred meal may be left. All trace of it must be obliterated. The altar of God's presence is closed while all of Heaven and earth together mourn what is being recalled. Last, the priest or pastor extinguishes the sanctuary light or lamp. It will not burn again until the Easter Vigil when, just after midnight, the cry will go up: He is risen! He is risen indeed!"

I don't know how you will spend the next 3 days. You may attend a gathering or you may not, but I hope that you participate in some sort of remembering. Remembering the story, remembering His life, remembering His death, remembering the groaning of all creation as God is laid to rest in a tomb, then remembering Sunday morning, and remembering to cry out, "He is risen!! He is risen indeed!!"

Maundy Thursday

2008-03-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

I learned the other day that Maundy means "command". So Maundy Thursday is derived from the command of Jesus at the Last Supper to love one another. Right before He gives this command, he "acts" it out...Jesus gets up and washes His disciples feet.

As He does this, He asks them, "Do you realize what I have done for you?" It is a poignant question, both to the disciples and to us today. (It is actually amazing to look at all the questions Jesus asks through the gospels).

Someone wrote: Well might Jesus ask us if we understand what he has done for us. In this passage, he is speaking of the washing of the disciples' feet, and how the disciples themselves must become servants of one another. But how can we realize that the Second Person of the Trinity, the Word made flesh, so humbled Himself, not just to provide a basic scrubbing, but to wash away every bit of human sin, degradation and death?....No we don't realize what He has done, at least not entirely. Each year the Church returns to the mysteries of our Redemption so that we can consider them again, perhaps more deeply this time, perhaps with greater faith than ever. Or perhaps in stunned, humble silence, we will just let the magnitude of these saving acts wash over us.

Lord, as I watch You - the Master and Teacher - wash the feet of Your disciples, I realize that You have laid down a pattern for us, Your people. Help me to not just understand what You did in that act, but to live it out. Enable me to live out the command of loving one another whether that other is friend, brother or enemy. For Your sake, King Jesus!

Palm Sunday

2008-03-16T22:12:00.000-07:00

This morning as we grabbed our palm leaves to carry into the service, I stopped to look down upon the one I held in my hand. It was lovely and green except that one leaf was beginning to turn brown and was showing signs of a blight or disease. I thought about switching out the branch and then realized that, for me, it was a great symbol of Palm Sunday.

It was the day when the crowds cheered and rejoiced over Jesus. They wanted to make Him king, they thought for sure He would deliver them from the hands of the Romans. They sang His praises!! But within a handful of hours that chorus of "hosannas" would become a cacophony of "crucify Him!!". They, like my branch were green with energy and desire, but would soon show the decay of fickle allegiences.

I often ask, how could they have done that? Loved Him one moment and chose a convicted murderer over Him the next...Then I stand back and see myself among them. I, too, love it when I think Jesus is going to do something in my favor. I sing His praises and act triumphant! However, when He doesn't do what I expect Him to do, I get kind of ticked off at Him and choose other things or people over Him! I choose my own ideas instead of Him!

Lord, as we stand on this side of Your death and resurrection, I can see now that You came as King, but in a different manner than those around you thought You would. May You give me the grace to always give you a triumphal entry - to always see you as King - but keep me from disowning You when You operate in ways I do not understand! This week, would you help me enter into Your Passion - to hear the story with new ears, to see You in new light, to be humbled deeper by Your death on the cross and to tremble at the announcement of Your resurrection!!

Patterns of Prayer - Week 6

2008-03-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

As we enter into this last week of our patterns of prayer, I am so grateful for all of you who have taken the journey with us! Thank you too for those of you who have shared stories, prayers and your lives from the last few weeks! Just so you know, next week, I hope to post a little about Passion Week and reflections/prayers about the cross, Good Friday, resurrection...AND how we participate in the story to ready our hearts for Sunday!

So...this week has been a tough week for me as far as praying goes. My calendar has been full, my brain focused on lots of "stuff" to get done, and my heart kind of fuzzy. I guess it's been a real Lenten week - in the wilderness. A friend of mine summed it up this way (which really resonated with me, so I'm going to use her words):

As I laid in bed this morning thinking about how little I really did focus on last week’s prayer topic and thinking about the schedule I will have the next few days and for the next few weeks I felt Lent slipping away from me. God felt far away. I didn’t feel like praying – didn’t feel like praying for me or those I knew let alone for such all encompassing topics as the church or the world. God seemed silent. I felt like I hadn’t seen him much in my conversations or encounters lately and like I didn’t have the time to personally seek him out in my hectic travels… But, then I realized something… What I was feeling felt like it didn’t fit with Lent, but it was in fact the very essence of Lent. I had wanted Lent to be this journey of repairing brokenness, this journey of spending devoted time in prayer, this journey of sensing God’s presence and feeling close with him… but that’s not really Lent – Lent is wilderness – Lent is brokenness – Lent is loneliness – Lent is silence – Lent is God’s silence as well as mine. The Biblical story that Lent symbolizes is that of Christ’s temptation in the wilderness, the desert. It’s not a story of peace and tranquil quality time with God. It’s a story where the main character finds himself alone and lonely, without food and hungry – God is not around (at least not noticeably) instead there are temptations to face and Christ must cling to those words which God had spoken in the past because at the time God was silent.

Well said, Bethany...well said!

So the focus for this last week of our Lenten journey is the future. We've already looked at patterns within ourselves, patterns of confession, patterns of how we relate to our family, friends, and those who are "invisibles" or enemies. We've asked God to show us new patterns as we think about His Bride here in the US and give us new patterns of sight as we look at the rest of His world. So the question looming before us now is...how do we take these new patterns, new insights, new practices into the FUTURE and not fall back into old patterns?? Lent is not just about stopping or doing an activity for 40 days, but is about allowing God in that stopping or starting to change us and to live in that change into the future.

Praying Lent:
This week spend some time in quiet reflection over the past 5 weeks. What has God said to you? Where has He convicted you? Where has He given you a new pattern to live instead of an old? Then pray over all that and ask God to show you what this looks like into the future - His future. Pray for future generations of Christ followers. Pray for the future of the Church in the US and the world. Pray for future encounters with "invisibles" or family and friends. Pray for your future as you walk in relationship with God.

Living Lent:
For me, I am going to go photograph patterns this week. I want to use them as a prompt and reminder that God has new patterns of living for His people. I want to use them to pray and ask God what my part is in those patterns. I want to seek Him about taking my part of the pattern into the future. (If this exercise resonates with you, I'd love to see some of your images and perhaps insights from this week.)

Patterns of Prayer - Week 5

2008-03-03T17:17:00.001-08:00

What a week!! We had the privilege of traveling to California for a wedding. Being the photographer, I got to see the beauty of a bride and the joy of a groom as he delights in her. It was a great reminder of Jesus' love for His Bride and what the church can be at her best!!

So far in our Lenten journey, we've looked internally, then locally; last week we focused nationally and now our focus will turn global. What are our patterns of thinking toward the rest of the world? Do we regularly pray for other parts of the world? Do we, as the family of God, pray for other believers elsewhere in the world? What do we think our obligation is toward them (the global church) and the rest of humanity?

Lots of questions, but ones I believe we must grapple with (especially now that the "World is Flat"...) And even at a time of an unstable economy here in our country, we still have so much compared to most of the rest of the world.

Praying Lent:
God, what is your heart for all the nations? How do we align our patterns of thinking and prayer with Your heart? How do you want us to live differently or what do you want us to do in regard to Your world? Would you pray these questions this week? Would you pray for people and organizations who are doing good things (God things!) in the rest of the world? Would you pray for peace and justice in places where they seem to live on the edge of turbulence?

Living Lent:
Easy: Perhaps we could put a globe on our kitchen tables. Each time we go to eat, let's pray for somewhere in the world. Pray that the Kingdom of God might be spread across those places.
Harder: Perhaps there is something you do daily (buy a newspaper, buy a Starbuck's coffee...). This week, consider not participating in that activity and take whatever money you would have spent on it and give it to an international relief organization. (Sure it may not be much, but if every person who reads this blog did it...well, who knows...)

God, I believe you created this world
And as such, You love it.
Give me Your heart for the global community I live in
Show me the part you want me to play in Your redemption of it.

Patterns of Prayer - Week 4

2008-02-25T16:58:00.000-08:00

(One small disclaimer: this has been the toughest blog to write so far. If I have stepped on toes or offended, I apologize, but I believe this is an area in need of great prayer!!)

Church: (n) Webster’s defines it as a building for public worship.
Wikipedia says it is an association of people with a common belief system
How do you define it? What do you see when you look at the church?

This weeks focus is going to be on the church here in the United States. As we have been praying, we’ve gone from the centerpoint of looking at patterns in ourselves, then we’ve moved to our family and friends. Last week we looked at our patterns towards those “invisibles” around us, and so now our focus extends out another circle – to that of the church in America.

When David and I first joined OC, we were challenged by some words from our team leader. He said (after spending many years overseas), “the rest of world is watching the US church”. At first this seemed like an overstatement, but we began to ask ourselves…What does the rest of the world see when it looks at the US church?

Here are some possible (and ugly) descriptors: individualistic – the focus is on ME, consumeristic – the organization exists to serve ME, lack of unity – let’s separate myself from those different from ME, institutionalistic (is that a word?) – I am obsessed with the size of MY institution and holding on to MY position…are we noticing a pattern???

On the other hand, one of the most beautiful metaphors for the church is that of a Bride. She comes down the isle - stunning in her beauty, overflowing with love for her Groom, the center of attention, yet all her attention is on him. What are the patterns the US church needs to adopt to become this radiant Bride? How do we get there?

Praying Lent:
Pray for the revealing and conviction of the ugly patterns the church here in America so readily falls into. Pray she comes to a place of confession, repentance and a new reliance on her Groom (God). Pray for unity.

Living Lent:
Find a beautiful picture of a bride, frame it and put it somewhere you will see it often. Use it as a reminder to pray for the US church and for yourself, as you may be a part of the Bride here in the States.

Patterns of Prayer - Week 3

2008-02-19T07:43:00.001-08:00

This week our focus of prayer takes one more "ripple" out. We will pray for people that still live around us, though perhaps not as immediate as our friends, family and neighbors. This group of people may be easier to pray for, but it may be more difficult to break our patterns of behavior toward them.

I was challenged this week by a quote from a book:

“I know what it’s like to move around in the world, but not really be a part of it. And I know what it’s like to have people stare right through you, and not believe what they are seeing.”.. (Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult)

It made me think of my patterns of behavior toward those who are "invisible" to me in this world - the poor, the immigrant, the elderly, even my enemy. They are invisible because my pattern is to look away or direct my eyes to see something else. I think about the guy who stands on the corner of the Costco parking lot holding a sign that explains his condition to me. I am much more comfortable not making eye contact with him, or looking right through him and getting on with my life.

Even when I give toward this group, they can still be invisible. I think many remain invisible to us because we tend to give to organizations that work with "them", but it allows us to still never really see them. Or perhaps we see them as a group, or clump them together, instead of seeing individual people.

Praying Lent:
Perhaps this is just my hang up, but I'd like to challenge all of us to look at our patterns of thinking, seeing and relating to people in this "invisible" category. (Maybe our first prayer should be for God to show us who is in this category for us!) And then, could we ask God how He sees those invisibles? What are His patterns of extending the Kingdom to these ones? How do our patterns not align with His and, through confession, we ask that we would begin to see more of what He sees and do more of what He does.

Living Lent:
This is a tough one, because our "invisible" people will all be different. I think we need to somehow SEE people in this category and interact with them. So maybe this means stopping and talking to them - really seeing them. Maybe it means offering a meal to them and joining them. What does it mean for you? What is God telling you to do this week, to live out His heart for invisibles?

Of Webs and Spiders

2008-02-13T14:53:00.000-08:00

God says, “I am offering you life or death, blessing or curse. Choose life, then, so that you and your descendants may live” (Deuteronomy 30:19).

“Choose life.” That’s God’s call for us, and there is not a moment in which we do not have to make that choice. Life and death are always before us. In our imaginations, our thoughts, our words, our gestures, our actions … even in our non-actions. This choice for life starts in a deep interior place. Underneath very life-affirming behavior I can still harbor death-thoughts and death-feelings. The most important question is not “Do I kill?” but “Do I carry a blessing in my heart or a curse?”
— Henri Nouwen in Bread for the Journey

Father, we weave a tangled web in our interior lives. On the outside we look kind and loving, but on the inside we are the spider laying in wait for her next meal. Forgive us. Teach us new patterns that carry blessings to others, not death.

Patterns - Week 2

2008-02-11T13:32:00.001-08:00

This last week, I've been struck by the patterns of 'what I've done and what I've left undone'. Some of you have too. One person shared with me that she wrote down the patterns in her life that God was showing forth and another wrote a beautiful blog in which she shares "It’s starting to be clear to me that the journey through Lent must start with me. It must start with looking at my own brokenness and my own sinfulness…and it must be a look that leads to repentance."

I have been stirred with thoughts about confession - that it is the broken place that brings vitality to our walk with God. It is a place of extreme humility but also of great freedom. I am convicted that I so often choose to 'fix it' myself, a pattern that sometimes renders God unnecessary.

Praying Lent:
As we move out in our concentric circles, this week we will look at and pray about/for the patterns in our relationships with our families, friends and neighbors. What sorts of patterns in those relationships do we 'do or leave undone' that need to change? Do we give and receive forgiveness with those in this circle? Are we actively pursuing reconciliation? Are we confessing to one another?

(WOW! Looking at the above questions, it might be one heck of a week between me and God and those around me!! Please pray for me...as I'll pray for you!)

Living Lent:
For those of you who like tangible prayers, how about this: Find a piece of patterned cloth that perhaps represents your Lenten journey. Find photos (or representative items) of the family, friends, or neighbors that God shows you that you need to change your patterns of relating with. Put them in the cloth and tie it up. Keep it in a place to remind you that this is what you carry on this week of the journey...and pray for insight and courage to change the pattern.

Blessed

2008-02-09T21:03:00.001-08:00

Mikaela and I attended a Chinese New Year celebration the other day. I photographed the event and Mikaela got to play with children (mostly little Asian ones, to her delight!) It was a fun event!

I received this from a friend the other day and thought it was neat, so I decided to share it.

Chinese New Year or the Spring Festival is a time when we count our blessings for the year just about to end and look forward to perhaps a more blessed one in the new year.
Indeed it’s by Providence that we are so blessed that we can celebrate the incoming year in peace at a time when the world around us seems to be descending into chaos.
For Christians, it’s a double celebration because Lent (Easter Celebrations) - the most important festival in the Christian calendar - begins on Chinese New Year eve this year.

The author goes on to talk about the decorations that are put up for Chinese New Year...

The all time favorite is undoubtedly decorations with the character (福) ,meaning blessed. It is not only quintessentially Chinese, it’s a life giving word that says the same thing in any language because its speaks of the blessings that we all hope for.
It’s an interesting character that is composed of four radicals. The first one on the left is a radical associated with all things divine. The three radicals stacked up on the right hand side consist of the characters for one, mouth and rice field or garden.
The word ‘blessed’(福) is a word picture of the original blessedness of mankind. One man (一口)in a garden(田) with the Divine(示). According to the Bible, Adam was this man, created in the image of God, to keep the Garden of Eden. He had a fellowship with God, thus glorifying and enjoying his Creator. This was true happiness.

During this reflection time of Lent, as we confess those "things we've done and those we've left undone" and as we look toward the cross as that place and point in time where we find forgiveness and reconciliation with God - may we be blessed...

Amidst it all, may the Divine (示) also walk with the one special person that is you(一口) in the garden of your heart (田).
May the Lord bless you (神祝福你).

Ashes

2008-02-06T14:19:00.000-08:00

We attended an Ash Wednesday service this afternoon and I was struck by a couple of things. First, the call to confession and repentance. How often after reflection and self-examination do I leap forward into "fixing things" without the crucial step of confession before God? I don't really like to name my sin, I just like to fix it. But God knows I need confession and repentance. I need a place to lay it all out before Him and agree with Him as to what it really is.

Secondly, I was struck by the need to confess to one another...something I have no place for, but wonder if that is to my detriment. How serious was God when He said in the scriptures, "Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed..."?

Lord, we confess to You and to one another that we have sinned by our own fault in thought, word, and deed; by what we have done, and by what we have left undone. We have not loved You with our whole heart, and mind, and strength. We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We have not forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.

We have been deaf to Your call to serve as Christ served us. We have not been true to the mind of Christ. We have grieved Your Holy Spirit. We confess to You, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness. The pride, hypocrisy, and impatience in our lives; our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation of other people, our anger at our own frustration and our envy of those more fortunate than ourselves, our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and our dishonesty in daily life and work; our negligence in prayer and worship and our failure to commend the faith that is in us.

Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done. For our blindness to human need and suffering, and our indifference to injustice and cruelty, for all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us, for our waste and pollution of Your creation, and our lack of concern for those who come after us.

AMEN

Patterns of Prayer

2008-02-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

Do you ever notice patterns? I like patterns. I see them everywhere. From fabric, to fence-posts, to planks on the boardwalk, to repetitive details on the wall of a church, I see them and I enjoy them. They call to someplace deep in me reminding me of how life should be lived – in a rhythm, a pattern consistent with the heart of God. They also convict me of where I have created my own patterns to live by – where I have exchanged God’s design for my own.

This prayer journey that we embark on is all about patterns. Observing and paying attention to old patterns that need to be abandoned and taking up new patterns that we haven’t acted upon yet. It is about the pattern of asking and listening – not just one or the other. It is, if you wish, a time to ask God for His design concerning our praying, our eating (if you choose to fast), our generosity, our repentance, our reconciliation, our allegiances, and our broken world.

We will pray in the pattern of concentric circles – starting with a small inner circle and working our way out little by little each week.

Praying Lent:
Week 1/Circle 1 – We start with ourselves. Pray to see the patterns in our own personal lives that keep us from God. Ask God what rhythms He wants us to embrace and practice during this time. Confess… lay before Him the deep longings of our hearts…let Him know that we believe, but need help in our unbelief. Then…listen.

Living Lent: (some other crazy ideas)
Read Isaiah 58, Psalm 51
Place a mirror as a centerpiece on the dinner table this week – to remind us to look at our lives or place a container of water as a centerpiece to remind us to pray “Create in me, a clean heart, O Lord.”

Eating our Prayers

2008-01-27T09:14:00.000-08:00

OK, so we are not really EATING them...

We recently sponsored a child from Kenya through World Vision as all of us have been touched/convicted about the poverty in the world and our ability to do something about it. Sponsoring one child is a little, little thing in the scope of such massive, global need, but it is a small step in an every widening journey.

So, in order to consistently pray for our child (and others - including a little orphan in China that will one day soon be added to our extended family) we have set a place at the dinner table for him/them. Because it remains empty, we are reminded to pray that God would fill up the emptiness of those in need. Because we set it on our table, we are reminded that all (no matter their station in life) are invited to come as guests...as family. Because we are using the red "you are special today" plate, it reminds us of God's heart for all.

Lord, we rarely know hunger
we have clean water to drink
and we have families to live in

You use all these metaphors in relation to Yourself and Your Kingdom...

But how will a world who does not know these things
see You and know You and understand You?
Father, stir our hearts to pray for those around the world
and then give us some small thing to do to relieve their suffering.

Caedmon's Prayer

2008-01-23T19:23:00.000-08:00

As I read this, it resonated with my heart...

I cannot speak,
unless You loose my tongue;
I only stammer,
and I speak uncertainly;
but if You touch my mouth,
my Lord,
then I will sing the story
of Your wonders!

Teach me to hear that story,
through each person,
to cradle a sense of wonder
in their life,
to honor the hard-earned wisdom
of their sufferings,
to waken their joy
that the King of all kings
stoops down
to wash their feet,
and looking up
into their face
says,
'I know - I understand'

This world has become
a world of broken dreams
where dreamers are hard to find
and friends are few.

Lord, be the gatherer of our dreams
You set the countless stars in place,
and found room for each of them to shine.
You listen for us in Your heaven-bright hall.
Open our mouths to tell our tales of wonder...

I have a dream
that all the world will meet You,
and know You, Jesus,
in Your living power,
that someday soon
all people everywhere will hear Your story
and hear it in a way they understand.

Wearing my Prayers

2008-01-20T09:59:00.000-08:00

This is not a new concept to me, as I have often worn a huge nut (as in nut and bolt bought at Home Depot) around my neck at times when I want to remember to pray for something that is heavy on my heart or God's heart. The nut, hanging around my neck, is heavy enough to clunk me in the chest many times a day and bring the thing(s) back to remembrance.

Lately, God has led me to a form of prayer, from the Celtic tradition, that seems to overlap with this wearing of my prayers...

Traditional Caim prayer or circle prayer looks like this: "When words get in the way , the caim or “encircling” prayer can often be helpful. Draw a circle clockwise around yourself, using the right index finger as you say this prayer; this symbolizes the encircling love of God. (The situation may make this physical action impractical; in which case see the action in your mind’s eye as you pray.) See yourself and others encircled and be aware that the living God surrounds and encloses with His love, care and protection."

Wearing the Caim prayer - I have a necklace that is simply a circle, made of some shimmering substance (almost looks like the inside of seashell), that I always get comments about. I have started wearing it as a form of prayer...when I put it on I say a caim prayer, when people comment on it, I smile and ask God to encircle them or me or both, when I reach up and touch it, it reminds me to be grateful for God's encircling love and to remember that I bind myself to this encircling, Three in One.

Crazy perhaps, but it helps me to live in the rhythm of prayer as I live out my life. It is a constant reminder of being surrounded by my King and being allowed the privilege to embrace others in His name.

I bind myself today
The power of God to hold and lead
His eye to watch, His might to stay
His ear to hearken to my need
The wisdom of my God to teach
His hand to guide
His shield to ward
The word of God to give me speech
His Heavenly Host to be my guard.

The Mighty Three
My protection be
Encircling me
You are around
My life, my home
Encircling me
O Sacred Three
The Mighty Three

Ventures

2008-01-19T11:59:00.000-08:00

Lord God,
you have called your servants
to ventures of which we cannot see the ending,
by paths as yet untrodden,
through perils unknown.
Give us faith to go out with good courage,
not knowing where we go,
but only that your hand is leading us
and your love supporting us;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen.

The Rhythm of the Offices

2008-01-17T11:53:00.000-08:00

I'm sure I've blogged about this before, but God has brought me back to this place. It is amazing how an "ending" place comes back to the beginning...

I like the idea of praying the offices. As Phylllis Tickle says, "The offices open to me four times a day and call me to remember Who owns time and why. All that means really is that four times a day the Watchmaker and I have conversation about the clock and my place as a nano-second in it."

The offices create a rhythm for me, a place where I am not driven by the clock and daily life, but by God's story. But they also pose a challenge. I find it, quite frankly, hard to STOP whatever it is that I am doing.

So I am a learner...maybe a wanderer... in this land of prayer. I usually pray the morning office and frequently the evening office too. Beyond that, I try...I forget...I let time run my life...I make excuses. But I want to learn to live by the rhythm of the offices, so I don't give up.

(I really like the daily offices at www.northumbriacommunity.org)

Silence and Stillness

2008-01-15T19:58:00.000-08:00

I am lead more and more to believe that Silence and doing nothing is the place to begin to learn to pray. It is the place of "be still and know that I am God".

I am trying to quiet my environment and quiet my thoughts and come before God in a waiting position. Lord, teach me to do nothing....

Sting

2007-04-21T19:03:00.002-07:00

"Is it not, for all its sting, a wonderful way to live?...To dream and want and pray almost savagely; then to commit and wait and see Him quietly pile all dreams aside and replace them with what we could not dream - the realized will?
-Jim Elliot

I first read this quote as a very new Christian when I was 15 and loved it instantly. I dreamed, I wanted, I prayed almost savagely, but really didn't understand the second part of this quote...until a few weeks ago.

As we are packing up our house to move to a brand new state, start a brand new team, doing brand new jobs, raising our support, trying to provide some sort of stability for kids, and staying married to each other...I have been wanting, dreaming and praying almost savagely once more. But one thing is different from when I was 15...I have given up the illusion that I am in control or that I can "make it happen". And so I finally understand the second part of this quote.

I get to take all my wants, dreams and prayers (of which there are A LOT!) and give them to Him. Then I get to watch Him pile them all aside and give me HIS wants, dreams and prayers. And those are that which I could not have dreamed (because they involve death before He brings about resurrection!)

I am a child of two worlds

2007-02-24T05:52:00.000-08:00

Well, I told Bob I would begin to post stuff about myself (dreams, passions, philosophy, etc) so he and anyone else in the team could get to know me. This self-revelation process scares me because I am not sure what will be done with the information or if I will be misunderstood. However, in conversation with God this last week, He made it clear that for Lent I was to give up fear. (Not that I wouldn't feel it, but that I was to live beyond it, in the largeness of His love and not in the shrinking world of apprehension.) So here is my first post in this respect - a story that tells a little about me.

I live between two worlds...and I long for them to be one.

I was born into a land where the Christian meta-narrative has been placed aside, ignored and not told except in secret places. His name was not on our coinage, His commandments not written on walls or fought for in judicial places, His deliverance from the oppression of kings or racial color was not celebrated in our song...we had no Vacation Bible School as a main staple of summer holidays.

So, I came to know Him in quite a different way. Where my upbringing lacked His words, His pictures were abundant. From my northern aboriginal neighbours, I learned that the world was mysterious and wonderful and good because it had been formed by a Great Spirit with such attributes. I saw all creation and its beauty and a longing for such beauty was born in my heart. I read stories - stories of adventure, romance - mythical or true - of disaster and joy, and His picture began to form in my heart. I saw Him as an unfinished impressionistic work of art - glances, not defined, no edges or details - but I saw Him nonetheless. And so I continued to paint. I painted...I painted...I painted.

But I live between two worlds - and that is only one.

With the crossing of the 49th parallel, my colorful painting was traded for a black and white. The picture is rather the same, only stark and linear and binary.

It is here, south of my homeland, that I heard and learned and thought and read the undeniable, irrefutable systems of theology. My unfinished, impressionistic painting took on a realist feel with hard lines and clear faces. And before long the painting was finished, framed and hanging for all to see. I memorized, I did, I knew, I believed...I believed...I believed.

But I am a child of two worlds and in this second world there was no room for mystery or doubt and what was said about the picture was more important than the picture Itself. We spent lots of time talking about the paintings or perhaps quickly framing them. In this second world we seemed to have a knack for finding the edges of a work of art - defining it by putting borders around it. But we were reluctant to enter into the creation process - not wanting to play with color - afraid to get paint on the floor. We much preferred to observe and discuss the Artist's birth, life and death rather than come paint with Him.

Don't get me wrong. I love this second world. I love answers and truth...except when they don't fit, because sometimes they don't. Sometimes the edges of the frame became too constricting. Sometimes it seemed to me that life was more than black and white. I tried to add new color but the paint just dripped off the edges - the frame too small to support new hues. Sometimes I have tried to cram a picture far to large into a frame far too small and I have missed the intricate work of the Artist.

You see, I am a child of two worlds - I love paintings in glorious color and I think frames are useful for adding beauty and definition. But maybe sometimes we paint too little and frame too fast.

I want to paint...to believe...to paint...to believe.

I am a child of two worlds and I long for them to be one.

A New Day Dawns

2005-12-20T05:29:00.000-08:00

A new day dawns. The kingdom of God rushes in; sumbeams penetrating the darkness, dispelling the frigid night air. A frozen planet begings to thaw.

A new day dawns. Light cascades through atmospheric dust to reach a silent, suffering planet. Liquid gold laps upon her shores with redemptive fingers - wooing her, calling her out of dark dwelling places.

A new day dawns. Artemis bows her head to say good-bye. Her silvery locks kiss the golden hem of the dayspring of whom she has been a reflection of glory. The coronation trumpets sound. A new day dawns.

A new day dawns -to a people dwelling in darkness where optical possibilities lie only in black and white. The dawn brings with it a burst of vivid, brilliant color and eyes which have never seen must learn to see again, this time within the frequencies of the broad color spectrum.

A new day dawns. Light has come, and it dances into every dark corner, sending out the invitation to come and join the dance.

November 7th

2005-11-10T06:37:00.000-08:00

In Diary of an Old Soul, George MacDonald writes:

Wilt Thou not one day, Lord? In all my wrong,
self-love and weakness, laziness and fear,
This one thing I can say; I am content
To be and have what in Thy heart I am meant
To be and have. In my best times I long
After Thy will, and think it glorious-dear;
Even in my worst, perforce my will to Thine is bent.

Cool

2005-07-25T07:07:00.000-07:00

Do I really care about my homeless friends, really love them, or is it just cool in Christianity today to be into social action?

Am I really bothered by poverty and injustice in the world, or it just cool in Christianity today to be concerned with these things?

Do I really love my neighbors or is it just cool in Christianity today to say I've done some good things for them?

Do I really want to follow Jesus or is it just cool in Christianity today (and in the political realm for that matter) to use His name to endorse my agendas?

Do I really love my enemies or is it just cool in Christianity today to tolerate them?

Am I striving after cool and trendy things in Christianity today or am I submitting my life to Jesus as my Lord?

Realizations

2005-07-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

I've realized that very often-

I don't pray...
-instead, I plan
(and give God viable options to choose from!)

Since when did the Almighty need anything viable to create??

I am a worm

2005-07-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my faith seems to have all but evaporated. Left to the harsh reality of the scorching sun, it is drawn molecule by molecule into the arid atmosphere.

I am sure this anti-gravitational phenomenon takes huge effort on someone's part, but I find myself rather sitting there-playing victim to a process I do not recognize unitl it is almost too late.

I am the earthworm coaxed from her subterranean abode by the cool dewy morning, only to find herself stuck to the concrete. My faith drying up moment by moment until all that is left is a crusty shadow of its existence.

Oh bring on the rain, to bring hydration to my body so I may crawl just inches to the salvation of the moist, dark soil!

What am I?

2005-06-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

Supposedly here is my theological position (after 50 fill in the blank questions)!

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern.

You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

89%
Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan
82%
Charismatic/Pentecostal
68%
Neo orthodox
61%
Classical Liberal
43%
Roman Catholic
36%
Modern Liberal
36%
Fundamentalist
32%
Reformed Evangelical
21%

Old habits never die

2005-05-22T23:35:00.000-07:00

I once read an article about the fact that when God takes you through hard, dark times, they can be messy and unnerving. The author likened it to always having your cupboard doors open and being unable to close them. All the "stuff" in the cabinets is exposed for anyone to see and the inability to close the doors (ie figure the situation out, come up with a plan of action, find a formula to fit)is simply exasperating.

As I go to bed tonight (just a few hours after my previous post) I realize that living this life of "melted glass" allows me even to leave my house a mess. There is a pot of spaghetti sauce on the counter that should have been cleaned hours ago. My George Forman grill is on the other counter in the kitchen - with caked on chicken pieces - and who knows when it will be cleaned. There are sheets on the couch, wet clothes in the dryer, cups on the ottoman and an empty otter pop wrapper in the living room. Plus my ironing board is in the hallway (as I made half of an attempt to iron today, but only did one shirt!)

All these are huge breakthroughs (or should I say "melt aways") for me - as I've like to have control over my environments (or at least my house) for the past couple of years. But the one residual neurosis? Even though my whole living room is a mess, tonight as I turned off the lights...
... I made sure I closed the cupboard doors on the armoire!!

Glass melts

2005-05-22T20:49:00.000-07:00

Recently read out of Leaving the Saints by Martha Beck:

"I never had any trouble understanding why Virginia Woolf killed herself. I'd read biographies describing how the writer was molested by a cousin during childhood and developed a classic case of posttraumatic stress disorder, which seems to have left her half sentient, never fully engaged with the events around her. She could see beauty but not feel connected to it, yearn for love but not participate in it. She experienced things flattened, diminished, once removed. She was anesthetized to physical suffering (she seems to have drowned herself without flinching) but also to happiness. Psychologists call it psychic numbing or in Virginia Wolfe's words "living behind a pane of glass"."

This passage strikes me not because I have ever been a victim of molestation (or rape or any other haneous crime) but because through circumstances - some controlable and others not - I, too, feel like I've lived behind a pane of glass.

I'm sure it started with thyroid disorders, and then was catapulted by my dad's death. Add a dose of post partum depression, a church falling apart, feeling lied to, and feeling like a single mom through it all and my reaction was to move behind the pane of glass where I wouldn't have to fully engage with the events that surrounded me. (I don't think I consiously chose this, but felt so hurt, so empty and dark that it seemed safer then life out in the open.) (And it was...for a while.)

What amazes me is that, even there, behind the "safety" of this barricade, God found a way to get in! I don't know how and I don't know when, for the darkness and numbness seemed to last for so long. At times I felt as though I was going crazy or losing my faith - a swirling madness of a carnival ride where lights flash on periodically only to reveal the next gut wrenching turn or dip.

But, then, one morning I awoke and was able to breathe. (I mean really breathe - for the first time in a long time.) It was as though my lungs got their first gulp of fresh coastal air after years of breathing the suffocating air of smokey, dark rooms. I see colors so much more intensely, intricacies of patterns in nature so delicate and beautiful. The idea that as humans we get to touch one another and thus deliver love through our fingertips or lips or arms has begun to be a stunning thought. The ability to feel textures and to smell is amazing. But the most incredible thing of all is that I want (I really want) to laugh and smile (and think that there are things to laugh and smile about).

See, I agree with Martha Beck's assessment - "I am endlessly grateful for the fact that I was lucky enough to learn something Virginia Woplf never realized: glass can melt." It makes me think of the phrase, "Our God is a consuming fire" and how I've always seen that as terrible or punishing. Perhaps I will see it that way again, but for right now it gives me great comfort that He is able to burn away any barrier I erect in the name of "safety".

Silence in the Desert

2005-05-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

Maybe the true test of faith is in the times when the silence of God is deafening. You've once heard His voice...but now...nothing. And that nothing is the biggest something in your life. The silence follows you wherever you go, it goes ahead of you and you find it waiting when you arrive. It mocks you, scorns you and everyday makes you question your sanity. In silence, the very air you breathe is thin. Everything is thin. You feel stretched tight across the circumstance, only millimeters thick - expecting to rip apart at any moment.

The silence of God.... Abram heard it. For years it taunted him as he watched his virility slip away. And Abram learned that God is in no rush to fulfill His promises.

But perhaps, just perhaps, these silent times are where real faith is built. Perhaps it is in this desert where our leaves dry up and are carried off by harsh winds. Perhaps even our branches become brittle and snap off. Perhaps, in this dry land, our roots must search for new sources of water. Perhaps they, with every reserve of energy, reach - extending out, grasping, desperately clawing for a source of relief.

Perhaps there becomes no more fuel for the large root system and so, tiny fragile tendrils are grown to seek out Life. Perhaps it is in these miniscule extenders and their to-the-death search for water that underground something miraculous takes place. These delicate babies work their way through dry desert clay that even shovels cannot break and they find sources of water.

In the process, they have expanded the root system and made it possible for the dead old tree to not only live, but to now grow larger than before. The drip line of the tree has been extended.

Maybe the silence of God produces a different kind of faith. Or perhaps real faith isn't about a few solid, close to the surface, big roots, but rather in little shoots who claw after nourishment that is far below the surface and far beyond the borders of what has been. Maybe it develops an intricate faith web that is far more fundamental than we realize.

The Daily Offices

2005-04-28T14:36:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to follow the "discipline" of the daily offices lately. I really enjoy the idea of stopping periodically to arrest the compulsiveness of the day and to challenge the idea that my working is somehow what keeps the universe from falling apart (whatever sort of work I happen to be doing at that moment). (How do I fall into such self-centeredness?) It leads me back to, as Phyllis Tickle says, remembering that the "Watchmaker and I have a conversation about the clock and my place as a nano-second in it".

But I do long for a group, a community of like minded ones, who would actually like to engage in the act of midday prayer together. One in which we all choose to stop what we are doing, go against the flow of our fast-paced, me-centered world and have a conversation with the Watchmaker. Is that possible in our society? How much energy and discipline would it take from all members of the community? (for even though I dream about it, I know that my part is far from effortless).

Perigrinatio

2005-04-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

I love this word (although I spelled it wrong because the real spelling was already taken). Here is an explanation I came across:

Green martyrs' refers to Celtic missionaries - the wandering peregrini - who set out from home never expecting to return. There was no "term of service", no furloughs - they went forth as they were led and were eventually buried in some foreign field at the end of their lifelong peregrinatio: their pilgrimage for and with God.

I want to be a "green martyr". I want to set out from my home never expecting to return. I want my life to be a pilgrimage for and with God.